Saturday, May 30, 2015

Make it good

Man, what a week it has been.

Oh, where to start? Oh, I know: A couple of days ago, I hit the floor again. My legs just gave out while I was trying to transfer from the commode back to the wheelchair, and thankfully I was able to moderate the collapse, so there was no injury. And apparently there was also no emotional injury, either; it was an intense moment, but I never went into self pity or anguish or anything like that... I just repeated a mantra, looked around to see if there was a way to pull myself up, or for that matter, anywhere (there wasn't), got myself comfortable as best I could, and just enjoyed being there.

I didn't even call for help. My wife was, I knew, finishing up her shower, she wasn't gonna be able to hear me anyway, I figured that she'd be back to the bedroom in reasonably quick time, which she did, so I figured why make her worry and scream for "help!", she'd be there soon enough anyway, why not just meditate and enjoy being on the ground?

Well, wife did indeed show up in a very short time, she was puzzled that I never screamed for help but once she got there, we called a neighbor, and in very short order I was gently picked up off the floor (it took both of them, definitely superior in every way to the "only one person picks you up" method), gently returned to my wheelchair. Where I had to just sit, for several minutes, to just come back to calm and comfortable.

But on balance, for a "hit the floor" adventure, it was pretty good.

Yesterday, I was taken to a restaurant that, in earlier days, was a monthly if not sometimes weekly place to visit; a very beloved place indeed. And vegan, even! A vegan sushi bar, who'd have thought it? Even were met by some Yale friends, both of whom participated in Karen and my wedding, so it was indeed a nice dinner.

On paper, at least, it was very had to deal with the "going there," especially hard to deal with the whole "being driven in a car" thing, some of the roads required are not exactly mirror-smooth, to say the least. I didn't get "carsick" as such, but there were several moments of "better hang onto that cup, just in case there's a carsick explosion." No worse than extra-enthusiastic burping, fortunately, and even more fortunately, by the time we arrived at the restaurant everything had gone back to "just fine," and I was actually even able to eat something once we got there. Not a lot, but at least something, and that was indeed a triumph. And the food's about as healthy as it comes, which is also a triumph in the "keep Robert fed" battle.

In neither event, fortunately I never went down the road of "Does this mean that some other thing [insert "thing" here] is... over?" Big shudder... Well, as any of us who travel the "life" highway have found, Things Change, sometimes, and that's all there is to it. The "being driven somewhere" thing, I've got to come up with some sort of way to make that easier to withstand. I have for years and years enjoyed simply going places, taking "gastronautical" adventures for foods of other countries, which are very easy to find here southern California--what do you want, Little Tokyo? Little Armenia? Little Ethiopia? Little India? Cantonese, Szechuan, Taiwanese, and oh Lord the Taiwanese tea shops... The list just keeps going on and on and on.

I used to drive us, even myself, to such places. Well, driving myself has been gone for at least two years, but nowadays, even being taken is troublesome.

I really don't know precisely how this is going to pan out.

Just typing this, this morning, is something I used to do easily and even gladly, this "typing" thing. Don't think I've got more than a few sentences left...

Well, we don't have much time here, on this little planet; none of us do.

So, I guess, what time you have...

Make it good.


Muffie said...

It's sort of funny when people assume we'll scream, yell, go nuts when we fall. Last autumn, I fell while my husband wasn't home. I was able to get into a sitting position, and I just waited. He wondered why I wasn't all upset. You just get used to it after a while.

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

Robert, I am so sorry for your fall. I know you have the ability to view things like that with some detachment, which is both amazing in itself and also challenging to accept as an onlooker. Even your "I really don't know precisely how this is going to pan out" embraces a sort of detached equanimity that is remarkable. I don't what else to say except to wish you well, whatever form that takes in your eyes.

Robert Parker said...

Muffie: It's more about not working hard to wig out over things that are going to exist (or not) regardless of your attitude towards them. "I just hit the ground... and if I adjust my body that way, it's actually kinda comfortable down here" is a vastly more, f I may reuse the term, comfortable place to be. And lying on the ground until somebody comes to get you is interesting enough, as an experience... why not enjoy it? At worst, why make yourself MORE miserable by choosing to suffer?

Choosing to suffer--I don't recommend it, except as a unit of exchange; for example, I'll put up with the injection (which I loathe) but in exchange, I'll feel better, such as happens with the B12 shots.