Friday, May 22, 2015

I'm done

Ah, Los Angeles. Many things can be said about it, but one of them is not "nice and warm," at least nowadays. We're nearly to June, and mornings get to 60 degrees if we're lucky. Not quite the "get an ice vest to keep cool" as in earlier times.

But also, earlier times are indeed earlier. They're not now. Thank goodness I have something more specific to this weather: long-sleeved shirts, sweaters, and a blanket to put over my legs.

A friend of mine came sort-of by to visit; driving all over LA wasn't in the cards, so it was go there or don't visit, Alas, I didn't, this person is very very dear to my heart, I'm sorry I missed the visit, but with last night's state, it wasn't in the cards for me, either.

This person has, let's call them "issues," with particular people; the specifics aren't relevant to this discussion, and you should be glad I'm not sharing them, because they're not so good...

This predicament reminds me of the End Times in my last workplace. Many things could be said, but one of them is about the value of leaving when it's time; overstaying is a bad idea. The devil we know is always preferred to the devil we don't, but as I've found time and again, usually for painful reasons,  staying when you're supposed to bail out ends much more tragically than one hopes, or (certainly in my case) even imagines.

As Stephen Universe clearly told Pearl, "You've just got to know when to bail."
Even though it can be sad. Which, in my experience, it often is.

"Bailing" isn't available to us MSers, at least in tossing the MS out the window and "moving on," as Stephen Colbert used to say.

But MS doesn't muddle our consciousness the same it does our... well, whatever it is that it has karked up for each of us. So for us, "bail" is about old ways of thinking. Noticing that we're creating problems for ourselves. Letting the devil we know go before the devil we don't know introduces himself... which usually turn out badly. Sometimes very badly.
It's kinda like going into the dentist and crossing the Rubicon, telling them "Yeah, it's time to pull that tooth" or "Go ahead and drill" or, well, you can imagine and probably have already had this very experience, or one effectively the same.

And it's surprisingly easy... two simple words are all that's needed:

I'm done.

Or, as a member of AA told me that he says if someone offers him alcohol,

I think I've had enough.

Certainly, those who think (quite correctly) that I need to change something, can speak of it all they want, but everything changes when my mind changes... Everything changes, everything changes, when you come to a personal realization that it's time to cross the Rubicon and own one simple truth:

I'm done.

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