Friday, April 22, 2016

A good idea

An interesting conversation yesterday with a caregiver... I gave my wife some time off so she could care for herself rather than me, and so I had a professional caregiver to hang with yesterday.  (I don't always need lots of "care as such" for the caregiver to do, but if nothing else, it's prudent to have someone who can walk hanging out with the guy who is wheelchair bound and who has found himself "floor bound" too often, it doesn't happen much any more but it's better to have someone there, y'know?)

The conversation often came to things like "What are you really afraid of?" and "Why are you afraid?"

I think I have finally come to a real understanding. I am not afraid of thing X Y or Z happening. It's not about fear. It has never been about fear. It has been about deciding what X Y or Z are going to be like.  It's about stuff like "I don't do things A B or C because then X Y or Z will happen, and I don't want that, so I'll just give up now."

It's not about fear. It's about deciding what is definitely going to happen and then just giving up, because those things are going to happen, after all.

Definitely going to happen is about things like "Don't try to walk because right now, that isn't going to happen." Well, that's why I have a wheelchair, after all. But what's important to not do is to decide upon the future which, being the future, isn't "decidable."

So, what do I need to do, then?

Pay attention. Be here now. Do what can be done at whatever moment it happens to be. "Man up," as the saying goes. Because really, how bad can things get? Looking at my fears and concerns, the worst thing imaginable is, at worst, an irritant. An annoyance. But not a reason to give up.

Giving up is not a good idea. So let's not do that.

And that... is definitely a good idea.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Simple works best

I did a phone-in yesterday, chatting with a whole bunch of MSers about the life-with-MS thing.

It was quickly quite clear that we MSers have a lot in common. Most everyone, if not absolutely everyone, related the experience of having their ever-so-comfy life go completely to shit once the MS really hit. And ever so many of them were fighting a rather nasty fight with pain, especially lower-body and leg pain, and an even nastier fight with how much of what pill to take when because whatever they were taking didn't seem to be doing much good.

Well, here I am in medical-cannabis California, and I tell the MSers that I just have a bit of the correct variety of cannabis and the pain and spasticity go away. Pretty much immediately. Still hurt? Have more. After all, the lethal dose of cannabis is on the order of forty-plus pounds of "smoke it all at once," so there's basically nothing to worry about. And the right varietal is miraculously effective. So, even though I have pain and spasticity, it's trivial to get rid of them. And I watch cartoons and laugh. Not bad as side effects, laughter and enjoyment and comfort.

So that's my personal take. Western medical world has no miracles. Go get stoned and laugh instead.

Or as a friend of mine learned from his Marine father, don't overcomplicate things. Western meds certainly embody overcomplication...

So I recommend the old reliable way.

Simple works best.

Friday, April 15, 2016


Yesterday, I had a wonderful acupuncture treatment, and later on in the evening, spent time soaking up and grooving on the energy of the season, the energy of Wood.

This is something really, really good to do during this season, MS or not. As the article highlights, the season of Wood is the surging of springtime energy, a time of restart and renewal.

Perhaps I'll try to groove on the energy of the day and express it by simply sitting at my computer and poking at some music stuff. I don't have to resurrect the dead, I just need to poke at the music. Let renewal do its thing. Or, as some friends of mine have said of their own meditational work, do the work and let the work do you.

So, what's gonna happen? As Tolkein wrote frequently in the Lord of the Rings, who can say?

But renewal is definitely worth at least trying.

So, happy Spring to all of us!

Just breathe the air, let the energy of the day soak in, and... as to where it will take you, who can say?