Monday, July 25, 2016

A good place to start

It's definitely time to visit the "gifts" world... rather than the "barrage of symptoms, creative things not created, especially like the things that used to be so trivial to create,  and a growing list of tragic losses" that seem to be the sine qua non of the life lived with MS. Rather, I think it might be better to explore the gifts that have been presented me. Yes, gifts.

Pasadena has been horribly hot, 100+ temperatures by 3PM. But this morning, it has been more like 72. And the sun is warming, not baking... at least not yet. I had a cup of tea and a superb English muffin, toasted and blueberry jam! I sat outside and smelled the air... looked at the trees and the clouds... Listened to the birds and the city... someone was doing old-school woodworking, using non-pneumatic manual hammers. And then, the power saw, coming from another direction.

In a few minutes, I sat on the veranda puffing at my vape stick. Life was very, very good. And all I needed to do was just be there, and pay attention. No side effects, beyond I dunno... inner peace?

So MS has led me to a place where I sit. And breathe. and listen. Would I like to return to the "beauty making" place? Hell yes. But all things in their own time.

But, at the moment, Thing One is to enjoy being alive.

A good place to start.




Monday, July 18, 2016

It has indeed been a while since I blogged at y'all. Things have been unchanged, things have been very changed.

Well, I have little energy... a fantastic days is one where I can take myself down the ramp into the back patio, and then take myself back up. The whole "sitting at the computer" to do stuff, not so much.

I have no television (long story) so I have no way of watching conventions "live" like I used to in the good old days of actually having a working TV. This is good news..really, what's gonna happen that's gonna actually mean something?

But MS wise, I'm basically withering.

What else? My MD/acupuncturist/neurologist/spiritual advisor is out of action... He's shot through with stage-4 cancer, doing the chemo thing, I've placed an "I love you" call, but no response no news.

I don't imagine he'll be blogging any time soon. What's there to say? "I'm stuck in chemo, it sucks."

But it has been a delightful time to simply be here now, as Ram Dass likes to say. The days are often quite sparkling before they heat up to nasty summer hot, I love hearing the birds chattering and maybe even seeing some butterflies. The wind changes every few minutes, the scent changes--sometimes you can even smell the burger place down the street doing mad with burger-izing.

So that's what I got on offer at the moment. Stay cool, stay hydrated! Happy summer!

Friday, June 24, 2016

Sometimes

So I've been contemplating typing this blog entry for days, yes days, all sorts of quiet contemplative things... As you can tell from the date stamps on these posts, that hasn't worked out so good.

More immediate concerns presented themselves this morning. I had zero interest in eating anything, and settling on just giving up wasn't a good long-term solution, so I thought screw it, I'm gonna get stoned. Maybe that'll work.

Two disclaimers: First, I haven't gone into Cheech and Chong style "Get stoned, get the munchies, eat a lot" in decades. That's not usually the road I take, at least. Second, yes this is self medication and self prescription, which most MDs will tell you is OK if done judiciously. But I do my cannabis doses with multiple doctors's approval, so there. And like all those nasty DMDs actually do anything besides move money around.

So I go out onto the veranda, have a few hits, and in short order, I'm totally grooving on my second cereal bowl.

Then I come to the studio and type this.

Sometimes, self-medication works!