"Him"

An interesting day...

Morning dawned. I used to get up at or before the sunrise, certainly "at"; Sundays, I still do, since I need to be at the church for a rehearsal at 8:30. But nowadays... I just lie there. Often I read stuff on my iPhone, sometimes I don't. But in either case, I pat the cat, pull something over my head, and just lie there, and go back to sleep, if I can.

Today, I got up (eventually, and hardly "with the sun"), did a couple of the things I had planned on doing—if that many—but then I picked up a former student of mine, now a rising college sophomore, and I treated him to Taiwanese lunch and tea, and we talked about writing musicals, something that he wants to explore. We both had a lot of fun.

I took him home, went back inside, lay down, pulled something over my head, and went to sleep.

A long-time overachiever, with a very long list of Things I Want To Accomplish This Summer, I find this sort of life... wrong, somehow. If you asked me to justify my opinion of this "wrong-ness," I don't know whether I could... Some of the things I want to do are "overdue" by my own, and only my own, preferences. A couple of them maybe, maybe, could stand to be at least started so they can be handed off to other people at a convenient-for-them time. But said other people are not expecting these things, or even aware that maybe, maybe, I'm thinking about maybe undertaking, much less delivering, said things.

I have left so far behind me, my long-accustomed schedule. My doctor asked me why the "schedule" mattered? Besides whatever do-things-at-a-given-time activities that I actually agree upon, it matters not at all when I do anything.

Joe Straczynski, author of TV's Babylon 5, liked to quote a Zen saying: "Eat when you are hungry, sleep when you are tired. Do this and you will confound your enemies."

Well, I have no enemies to confound—besides the ones I have created within my own consciousness and the existence of which I still fight to sustain. So, since my enemy is "myself," I guess it's high time to confound him.

And of course, that "him"... that'd be me.