And the Universe goes for...

Managed to do some things today; didn't manage other things.

Took my wife out to lunch to a favorite Taiwanese-tea place. Tried their "chow mein," which was well prepared and all but flavor-wise, quite boring. Wasn't sure I was going to be able to make the entire drive home... dang, did I need to lie down and sack out.

I just finally managed to finish copying a piece of music into the computer so that, in the future, I'll be able to render it to slides and create a sound-file rendition. I don't think this piece has been heard by anyone in nearly 100 years... so it'll be fun to use this during my talk at CMS in November.

Spent a few minutes outside talking to our neighbor (a very nice person).

I barely managed to type this in.

As to the rest of pretty much everything... I'm toast. Gonna take my herbs and sit outside and see what parts of nature, the world, or my soul, wants to be heard. I spent some time last night doing that (listening), I think that It, whatever It is/was, wanted me to talk to It, so I did. An interesting time, yesterday evening; perhaps an interesting time tonight. We'll see... right now, simply walking outside and sitting in the chair is plenty "interesting." Sometimes a little too "interesting..."

Earlier today, I heard a YouTube excerpt from a Kevin Smith piece about how important it was to spend time with people who don't ask you "Why?" (as in "Why do that?"), but who asked instead, "Why not?" And about how important it was to follow your dreams, and all that (except much more movingly expressed than I just did, it was a very beautiful story that he told).

And hearing that, I thought, "Why not? ... Because, right now, I can't."

I always liked to think that I lived in a world of thought, and creativity, and ideas, and stuff that doesn't need legs or walking or anything to manifest it. Yeah, being unable to use my legs means I can't play the organ, and that sucks big time, but I can still think. And create.

Or so I've always thought. But not today.

Right now... I just can't. I manage if I'm lucky to accomplish something small-at-best, and even that's usually enough to send me to bed for the rest of the day, and leave me in a state unable to manifest and capture even ideas. I've never thought ideas were "physical," but apparently, they're more so than I'd ever thought before.

It's hard... to have an idea, a good idea, a worthy idea, and then be unable to do anything with it or about it. For someone who loves having and living in a world of thought and creative thinking and creative expression and creative creation, to not be able even to think... or worse, to have a thought and not be able to do squat with or about it... that's hard.

One thing that is becoming clear to me, is that I need to do some mental housecleaning, and to completely change the way I think about everything. About everything. About the way I think.

If M.S. were an entity... oh boy, I'd definitely have to say, it's sending me a message. Big time.

I wonder if I'll be able to stay awake long enough to answer the call. Because even getting up to answer a "call of nature" is challenging enough, right now.

Great. I feel that living with M.S. is calling me to make a fundamental change to my consciousness itself, and the Universe goes for ... a pee joke. Can't say that sutra for that long... gotta pee.

Well, it's trying to be funny.