Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Things are better, in subtle and profound ways. I'm actually writing music again, and the end of the creativity drought is a very big improvement. With luck, the music will keep flowing.

As always, treatment day is as much dharma talk as acupuncture session. Learned some tragic things about the IV steroid treatments which are sometimes given to people having MS flareups (oh, I am so glad I haven't needed to face that decision), and also something odd but wonderful--about the way my MS is manifesting: my experience of MS, of ebbs and flows of energy/creativity/life worth and not worth living, but no clear and distinct neurological crash and burns, is most unusual. Not at all the "normal" MS pattern, according to my acupuncturist/neurologist. Right now, at least, I don't really get "exacerbations" (whatever the hell they are).

As Corrie Ten Boom's sister is quoted as saying, "Thank God, even for fleas." In the concentration camps, the fleas were awful, but they kept the guards away--so, in their own way, the fleas were a blessing.

This is the real struggle. I'm not yet truly, and truthfully, thankful for my MS. I don't think I can "go" there, but perhaps one day I'll find myself there.

Some other interesting things, on the "dharma talk" level... those need to cook awhile before they're sharable. Perhaps we'll talk about those in a few days, we'll see.

In the meantime... I'm trying to keep both my heart and head open to music. It has been going well for the past several days straight, I actually finished not one but two pieces, one expected by the performers, one a surprise (both to me and to the people I hope will perform it).

Let's see how long we can keep this streak going.

No comments: