Saturday, August 18, 2012

Defeat; processing

My, it has been a few days since I checked in, hasn't it? That certainly tells you how much I've been able even to sit up long enough to poke at a computer...

So, I'm still in the "I can't do anything" state. Sitting in the wrong chair and/or the wrong way defeats me. Staying awake during the day defeats me. Pretty much everything defeats me... and by "defeats," I mean "Makes me go to bed and sleep for hours." 'Course, sleeping at night, that ain't happening either, so that defeats me too.

A very spiritually-aligned friend of mine offered this: It's what you need to do right now. Go with it.

Well certainly, there's no "fighting against it." There's not "it" to fight against, for one...

My friend also thought it might be part of the "dealing with the massive changes of the last year" process. And, if so, then there's no way around it... the changes do have to be processed, whether I like them or not.

And if that isn't a lesson living with M.S. teaches you, I don't know what is.

Well, at least I managed to sit up at the computer today. So far. We're going tea-tasting this afternoon, and then probably out for dinner afterwards. That's the plan, at least.

No... that's the hope.

And that's a good place to start.

---An update, that really illustrates my state...

I finished the above around 8:30ish, I think. Actually, I only barely finished it... I posted it, shut the machine down, then lay down and slept until 1 something. Five hours.

I won't be going to tea this afternoon, as planned and discussed above. Maybe... maybe... I'll do something other than sleep, for the rest of today.

But there still is hope. Perhaps not alertness or activity... but hope.


Muffie said...

Take what you can, when you can. Whether you choose to accept it or not, you are grieving, and will do so for a while. You've gone through a tremendously difficult time and your mind, body, and soul needs time. Allow it. You're too hard on yourself. If sleeping a great deal helps you to heal, then do it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

Perhaps sip tea in your dream state? A good herbal remedy? 183