Admit it

Alternating between "I'm sure glad that's over!" and "Well, I guess that's not over with, is it?"

Made it to three different banks today, to take care of business. One of the trips took a little too long because the people I was talking to weren't really With It, but they were nice people anyway.

Made it home, just in time to get a phone call from an administrative judge who returned my call to help clarify the situation and answer a couple of questions I had. A very nice lady. I "get" to go to a hearing next month, but the person I talked to thought it was going to be basically a rubber-stamp and everything will be OK. To make a long story interesting, there are indications that everything is actually taken care of... but not every part of The Machine knows that it is. Once that's cleared, all will be well. Sounds like it's going to be a walkover, if I play my cards right and just play the game. Which, if all concerned are as nice as the judge I spoke to on the phone, will actually be enjoyable.

I'm back to the "spend the night vaguely awake, spend the day sleeping" plan. It was nice, the day or two (well, really only "the day") that was normal and easy-to-stay-awake and not-having-to-dive-for-the-bed. Although I did manage to stay awake to see Brave, an unbelievably sweet movie. Yeah, I know, people have had all sorts of complaints about it, but I didn't care. It was sweet. Lovely soundtrack, too.

Gonna go hit the herbs and pack it in early this evening.

Oh! Wanted to share this with you... I've got a lot of stuff to process (who doesn't?) but I especially do, regarding... well, let's just say, all sorts of stuff. My fellow M.S.ers who find themselves, oh let's use a genteel expression, "separated" from the lives they were comfortable with, for example, ability to work at the job you've had and loved for years... and need to find ways to "process" their separation, here's something that I've found has made a profound difference with me:

Admit what you feel. Don't argue for/against/about it, don't justify it or yourself, don't do anything besides simply admitting what you feel. Just tell the truth.

You'll be surprised where that leads you.

And you'll also be surprised at how much better your feel just getting it off your chest. You don't have to tell a human, nobody besides the Divine needs hear what you say... but you need to say it, because actually saying it means something more than just "thinking" it.

And you may find that simply admitting it, simply admitting what you really feel ... means that you don't have to relive/revisit it.

And on the M.S. Highway, feeling good about anything... feels good, doesn't it?

There's an unusual gift of M.S... being shown how powerful, how necessary it is, simply to tell the truth.

Just admit it. And... most of the battle is already won.