My wife and ever-generous caregiver had to take herself to our beloved acupuncturist/MD, so another friend sat with me on "Robert watch." He made us both sandwiches, he made himself coffee (I haven't had it for something like 20 years, but I still enjoy the smell of beverage prepared exquisitely, which my friend always does).
Shared with my friend one of the sweetest Steven Universe episodes... one that always makes me cry with happiness. It is heart-warming and in its warming, it becomes heart-rendingly sweet.
Had a few moments since my last e-chat with you, dear readers, that fall into the category of what Ram Dass calls "There I go again." The friend who sat with me the other day and I had similar "employment-exit" experiences, and for both of us they were also life-changing in a good way, particularly in the "getting the toxic out of our lives" way. I remember my mother's stay in the hospital a few years ago; she had spent the day on the operating table, she had just been delivered from the recovery room back to her bedroom, and yet after having gone through surgery for hours, she looked better to have the nasty definitely toxic and no longer needed "whatevers" removed. A day of surgery, and she looked better.
The "toxic" in me (that I presume afflicts my friend too, since we sounded very similar when we were talking about this) is that I have not been able to come to peace with "Forgive them for they know not what they do." Staying mad doesn't help me get better, certainly; feeling justified in being angry still leaves me poisoned by anger.
So what does my MS Experience have to say about this, for me? Well, first and foremost, my nervous system has enough trouble doing things like "move that foot four inches to the right," I really don't need to use what little nervous system I have on being pissed off. At something that doesn't exist; the Whatever from which I took pretty severe effect was quite literally years ago; it happened, and then the happening of it went away forever. So, I'm taking effect by holding a grudge against something that doesn't exist.
A phrase I heard a lot when I was the organist for a Science of Mind church, was "I bless you and release you to your good." But that requires two steps: Bless, and release. Neither of which I'm doing with the Whatevers at which I persist in being angry. Especially also because I don't know the reasons behind the reasons, which are the True As True Gets reasons behind the Whatevers that transpired. None of which I'll ever know... and the knowing of which definitely don't belong in the category of Things to Make Me Feel Better. Even knowing said Truths would still leave me in the position of needing to do some serious forgiveness. Which, for some reason, I still have some problems with. Ah, attachment...
So, apparently, that's my homework.
MS as a gateway to forgiveness.
Who knew?
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