Alive

New "experience" patterns... in the family of things like "when it gets too hot, I feel bad" or "when it gets too cold, I feel bad," which is pretty much the usual, what might even pass as "normal," for us MSers.

But the "new experience" for me seems to involve "hitting the wall." Whatever that may actually be, whine happens, I'm toast, and all I can bear going is lying down and maybe going to sleep, or at worst enjoying favorite cartoons. At most.

I wish I could go down the "cartoon road" more easily. As Rinaldo often says on Steven Universe, "I gotta put this in my blog!" Even that can sometimes be too much. Too often, too much.

This is one of th "first things to do today," so before trying anything else, here I am blogging. But not for long.

Yesterday, my wife pushed me in my wheelchair the block between our house and a local new restaurant. I had bahn mi, something I've been hoping to try for years. Spectacularly excellent baguette, baked quite perfectly! Maybe I should put in a good review on Yelp!

If I have enough energy. Doubtful, alas. But the food was good.

Long before anything arrived at the table, courtesy our exemplary server, I had hit the wall. Simply being taken there had cost most of my energy, and merely sitting up in the restaurant was all that could be asked of me. I managed to stay there until everything had arrived and, I surmise from my wife's smiles, enjoyed! But I was ready to o back to bed. As soon as possible.

I have some very dear friends who want to see me next week. I expect I'll enjoy seeing them for a minute or two; I anticipate that I'll have hit the wall simply by getting out of bed to see them; God help me getting into the car for an exhausting 10, 15 minute drive, because I'll have hit the wall before car has left the driveway.

So, then, what do I do? Well, nobody knows what to do about neurological nonsense, if I don't accept the risk of hitting the wall, I won't see friends whom I love dearly.

Besides following Ram Dass's guru's advice, to love God and tell the truth, what else is there to do?

Is there anything else to do, simply being, as we all are...

Alive?