Monday, August 31, 2009

Uptown/Downtown. Again.

A few days ago, life was simply wonderful. Music got written, music that has refused to let itself be written all summer. Saturday I drove to the West Side for what would become one of my best ever chiropractic experiences, I got something adjusted that hasn't been adjusted in quite literally years, drove through traffic on the way home and felt fabulous.

I felt so good that I braved the heat to go out and get a haircut, and the sight of the brushfires (I'm sure you've heard about them) was so unbelievable, I parked the car, walked the better part of a mile in 100-at-least degree heat, and took pictures. And enjoyed it. The walking was rougher than I would have liked, but my legs loved the heat. And the sight was amazing, it was worth the effort to capture it:

Yesterday, life was simply wonderful. A little hard to walk at the mall when we went to see Ponyo (which film I recommend enthusiastically), but we actually had dinner and a movie just like normal people, and it was utterly delightful.

And now, today... things are bad. Things are very, very bad. Walking --oh, I can still walk, but the walk:totter ratio is what's bad. Whatever has gone wrong started going wrong last night: just couldn't sleep, tried a little sake to calm my nerves (usually works) but that chewed up my digestion so I had both insomnia and dispepsia. Nothing like a middle-of-the-night twofer...

Haven't been able to bring myself to the studio today to work on the music... I'll give it my best shot tonight, I don't have that far to go on this project and then I'm done, but still, I'm not sure it's going to happen tonight.

I read a post from a fellow MS'er about her first experiences with a new (to her) injectable medication, Copaxone. This one allegedly has no side effects (which my doctor disputes, having been on it himself for three years and then quit because of the side effects) but it does require daily injections; many of the other medications are only once a week. And of course, for your convenience, you have to shoot yourself in a different place each time. My heart goes out to her, but... I couldn't finish reading her journal, it tore me up horribly to read about what she was going through. I could feel my insides shredding themselves before I had made it a third of the way through her narrative; I'm sure I'm going to have some especially nasty needlings to get back to what passes for "normal."

I really wish I knew what was up with this "uptown/downtown" stuff. (For those of you not up on your thirty-plus-year-old drug lingo, "uptown/downtown" refers to the effect you get when you mix stimulants and depressants.) One day, I can't walk well but I don't care because I feel so good, I can write music, I still have all the MS issues but it just doesn't matter because life is so damned good. Another day, I have no energy, no stamina...I'm not depressed, not in the least, but when lying in the corner until you quietly starved to death was equally acceptable as an option as a nice quiet cup of tea and fruit in a comfy chair... well, something's just not right.

But I could have told you that already.

Ah, but those few good days... they were really, really, really good. It's been a while since I've had such good days; perhaps good days like those will return. There's always hope.

Tomorrow, dentistry (a minor cavity, should be reasonably easy to deal with) and then a visit to my local acupuncturist while my main provider is on vacation. I really like the local lady, and not just because she's a fifteen- rather than a fifty-minute drive away. She's quite wonderful, and I think she'll be just the ticket to put me back together.

For another day or two.

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