Teetering

Today I've been teetering between " Yeah, I definitely feel like trying x/y/z" and "Oh dear, this isn't good, better sit down" way too much. Way too much. I can also tell that my adaptation to the minor ripples in the Ocean of Reality is also not so good right now.

So, what makes me feel better?

• Moving around or not moving around?
• Going outside or staying in the air conditioning?
• Actually doing something, or refraining from doing things?

I can't tell. "All of the above," "some of the above, sometimes," and "none of the above," depending.

One thing I am sure of, that the computer is definitely not high on the list of "makes me feel better." Which is inconvenient, since I accomplish an awful lot with it. It does waste a lot of my time, and that's a whole 'nuther matter, but staying out of the spray of electrons is definitely better for my health and attitude, I think. And that's completely separate from what I have to deal with in the Real World when I interface with it via e-mail; many of those things are just silly minor irritants, and frankly I could do just as well without them, but right now they're not sapping me that much.

I don't know how I'd describe my "attitude" right now. I don't think I have a "bad attitude," I'm not depressed, or feeling sorry for myself, or in terror about the future, or anything like that. I will confess to being a little concerned about how I'm going to deal with a high school full of teenagers and the sometimes-a-little-too-challenging adults that go with them, but it's not a cloud hanging over me. However, I'm not exactly suffused with "good attitude" either.

If there's such thing as a "meh" attitude, I guess that's about where I'm at right now.

I really, really want to figure out what I have to do to stir the pot and leave this all stuck-in-the-dirt behind me, and move ahead, gamey legs and all.

"Be transformed by the renewing of your mind," the Good Book says. I know that somewhere, I know what I have to do. The answer is in front of me, if I could only see it.

So that's the current project.