Thursday, April 9, 2009

Ambiguity

Had an interesting chat with my doctor yesterday, about the "fatigue" thing, and how I never really knew whether I should push forward despite the fatigue, or whether I should honor it and do nothing.

He said, "I have no answer for you." That all of his MS patients have this same question, and it's never clear for any of them, and that it's complicated by my own psyche, which in some ways has a two-position switch: "Can't be stopped" and "can't be started."

And this, I found particularly reassuring: that I'm not finding the answer not because I'm not open to the answer, but because the question is really, really hard to answer.

I am, though, starting to get a better handle on the quality of fatigue: that sometimes I'm too tired to do anything and shouldn't try; other times, I'm too tired to do certain things but there is something I can do so I should do at least that; or yes I'm tired, but maybe it's OK to push a little; or yes I'm tired, but I need to do it anyway.

And with a disease that is, and that creates, constantly moving targets, even a little clarity... I'll take. Happily.

3 comments:

awb said...

Amen brother! It's nice every once in a while to get an answer, even sometimes when it isn't the one you want.

I saw your blog on Anne's Disabled Not Dead and thought I'd stop in and say hello. Have a good one,
Andy

Stuff could always be worse said...

I agree, how much pushing to do? I just keep on until my body says NO MORE.

Anne said...

My answer to fatigue and the fact that jobs still have to be done is:

To break the jobs up into smaller jobs, space them out over a period of time with breaks in between.

Now if only life would cooperate and let us do that!