Saturday, April 4, 2015

What a gift indeed

Huge morning differences, between "not now but probably soon" and "Time has come I guess that's over." and "YOU took this from me" as opposed to the "guess time has come" of item two.

A morning self-appointed task: send a non-urgent note to a friend, via Facebook. Facebook seems to be clogged or something, because clicking the appropriate links sends it into "Any minute now... really... really" mode; the sort of thing that resolves itself in due course, all I need to do is wait. Which, given my bodily (usually mal-)functions, puts me in a place of "well, it'll be back sometime, perhaps I'll be able to go back, later. Eventually. Probably. Just might be a long eventually..."

Looking at some "goodies" hanging from the veranda, specifically a wind chime I remember being very proud to purchase and add to the back yard, 15+ years ago, I am reminded of the days I used to enjoy shopping (those were both wheelchair and non-wheelchair joys, from a time I could still drive myself places and lift the wheelchair into and out of the back of the truck, both with and without help. Nowadays, my shopping is all internet and usually all medical; stuff I need because I'm in the Cath Club, all sorts of different Cath Things, medicinal herbs (and thereby hangs another tale, I'll tell you more about those another time), paying things like the mortgage and Karen's car, my city's DWP stuff, and every once and a while something else, lke a gift for wife or someone else.

Music stuff has gotten ugly. Apple provided the latest "don't worry, we'll take care of everything" upgrade, which STOPPED things from working which used to be computer-wise, non-issues... but contacting everyone who created the software which was basically thrown under the bus by this "upgrade," and being told no, our stuff is perfect (by their own assessments, of course) so we can't help you. I was able to produce a list for one software-perveyor of "here are all the things YOU SOLD ME" that no longer work, it's YOUR STUFF THAT'S BROKEN so YOU GUYS NEED TO FIX IT." We'll see where that goes...  expect, nowhere.

Kinda like MS treatments. Oh, it's going to make me better? Oh really... OK, you guys made this, it doesn't work, YOU fix it, and don't tell me how wonderful things are because what you said would work [screaming] DOESN'T... Sound familiar?

OK, so I'll try Facebook again, I'll finish this soon, I need to message a friend of mine, but later this morning just in case he keeps different hours than I do... somehow get up enough to make wife some Good Morning Tea (whisked matcha, but I may go to oolong later today)...
Hope that some podcasts of last night's preferred shows come available, maybe catch some favorite cartoons from last week... Alas, tonight's Toonami anime offerings, which once brought me unbelievable joy and encouraged me to go down some interesting and very creative paths... well, I'm not in their demographic, so my experience of their offerings dips well into "suck."
(And for my anime-interested friends, manga and anime in Japan is very age- and gender-targeted, my favorite works tend to be seinen not shonen and Lord not shojo.)

Easter Sunday is tomorrow. I used to attend and perform at such things for quite literally decades. Used to compose music for such things.

Not any more.

Time has come, I guess. Let's rethink this: it's not about "not for me" but "it's time for someone else to carry the load."

And that certainly happens because of just-plain time; has nothing to do with any neurological anything.

So there's a task for me today; let other people worry about things it's not given to me to worry about. Why said things were given to other people and by whom or what, that's out ofmy pay grade, as the saying goes. But, a thought experiment: Assume I knew exactly how, who, and why these changes happened... the good that this would do me is...?

Maybe there isn't anything.

Which is a gift in itself; to bless and send on their way all these "something happened and then--" moments, they're not for me, so perhaps instead I am called upon to be generous, allow things that need something, whatever, to have it? Or to release what isn't needed?

Freedom, and liberation.

What a gift, indeed!

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