Monday, March 19, 2012

Quite a surprise

Had "quite the talk" with someone, today. A difficult talk. Details aren't important for our discussion here and now, but it was definitely quite the experience.

I met the experience with a great deal of calm. I really don't think it was denial, masquerading as detachment; I think it was really and truly calmness.

And there was no "againstness." No striving against, or with, anything.

I'm watching my own process now—ah, the increased sensitivity we M.S.ers get... hypersensitivity is a mixed blessing—and I know I took some sort of effect from the event; but I think (and I hope) that what I felt was just "dealing with stuff that needed to be dealt with." One of those "The truth might hurt, but it's not unkind, and there's nothing personal—it's just the truth" kinda things.

We are constantly asked to face our own neurologically-imposed limitations. But facing the failure of the body, "the way of all flesh," is the road that all the living have to walk. And today, again, I'm brought into confrontation with my own limitations but also the limitations of others, about which I have as much control as I do over my myelin-eating immune system.

And my reaction was not protestation, but ... acceptance. The truth that was in what was said to me in this interesting experience... I even said, in precisely these words, "I accept that." I didn't agree with everything that was expressed by everyone, and I didn't contest the things with which I disagreed or could have found ground upon which to base a protest; but the things that were true... I accepted.

Wow. This M.S. journey is an amazing one, in many amazing and surprising ways. And to havea "side-effect" of my journey with M.S. make an appearance in just plain life is...

Quite a surprise.

1 comment:

Gail said...

Hi - and ya, truth is harsh some times and mind boggling too. I recently lost a friend, she "stepped aside". The truth? My having MS is not in her plan, guess she wasn't a friend after all. sigh....
Love to you