Saturday, March 27, 2010

Priorities

One thing to which I give a lot of lip service is the concept "prioritize." A lot of MSers talk about the "spoon theory," a metaphor that illustrates how MSers need to remember that everything--everything--takes energy, and if you don't have that much energy to spend, if you spend it all getting ready for and getting to the site at which you hope to have fun, you won't have any energy left to have the fun.

So I'm sitting here in my comfy chair, working on some school-related stuff... We're in the "gearing up" phase of a big technological project, and I was researching one of the new features we're going to try to implement: specifically, synching mobile calendars with a central calendar on some computer that's not wired to your mobile device. I just finished creating a Google Calendar for myself, stuck a date on it, and then had it appear on my iPhone. Having never done that before... that's pretty cool. Especially because I'm from the generation of Computer Dweebs who remembers having to set up your own server to do things like that, rather than just popping over to Google and have them do all the work for you. It's a wonderful world for the technologist, especially for one who remembers the many, many potholes in the road that brought us here.

So anyway, I just did that, and I'm sitting here feeling good about myself and the project, and I'm thinking that I really need to work on piece A or piece B or piece C or...

And then I realize, my brain is tired. My thinking is nowhere near as good as it can be, and frankly, I'm just sucking myself drier by trying to make it work when it doesn't want to, at this hour. I only have so much energy. I haven't done my kyudo practice in way, way too long. The outside air today is kinda cold right now, but it is gentle, and there's something nurturing about it. I can spend my energy on something that I'd do better when my brain hasn't already been sucked dry, or I can use what energy I have to do tote renshu, during which I have to send energy through my legs, relax, breathe, and put myself into a relationship of total giving and total receiving.

Priorities.

One of my priorities needs to be... prioritize living. Yeah, work needs to be done, you do what you gotta to provide the Four Necessities (food, clothing, shelter, medicine--which in my case, takes a lot of providing), but I have never been very good at "take care of yourself."

Priorities.

I still have yet to truly learn one of MS's first lessons: Live fully, live consciously, live intentionally. Don't just "do things." Live.

Priorities.

Why do we choose to make that so hard for ourselves?