I wrote yesterday about a conundrum about my relationship to my workplace; in the intervening 24 hours, I have had some very intense realizations about what has been wrong, and right, in my relationship to this particular workplace for ten years.
Things are clear; things are wonderful; things are very different. Nothing about the work environment has changed; but suddenly, I know where I have been going wrong, and why, and where I go right, and why.
And with this beautiful, clear light, a little sorrow, a little mourning. A "me" that has been with me for the last decade is gone. It was his time, and his going was a blessing for both of us; still, even if it was a deluded part of me, it was part of me, and their is a little grief at its passing.
And the pisser is... I might never have come to this place of self-witness, of self-realization, had not MS brought me on the journey that wound its way through this place, this moment. An amazing thing, this MS.
And in this wonderful day of clarity... my legs are screamingly cold. Yeah, the house is a little cold, but damn my legs are cold. This time, I think they're actually cold, too, not just false-nerve-data cold.
So, I'm going to do the dishes, turn this machine off, and go sit in the tub.
As the old, old song puts it... "This is the end of a perfect day."
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