Friday, March 26, 2010

Gratitude; numbness

Earlier this week, I read the tale one of my fellow MS bloggers told of her struggle with managing the "symptoms of symptom management," being battered by the side effects of the "treatments" she's receiving to make her "better."

I can't tell you how lucky I am to have a primary care physician who is also a neruologist with 30-plus years of experience with MS patients, who almost always finds ways to treat things without using drugs. Of any kind. Now, I have to admit that I'm steadily becoming more "differently abled;" I won't say "disabled," but there are many things that just plain work differently now, sometimes differently every day, and often those differences are very, very, inconvenient. Awkward. Uncomfortable. The list goes on... But although there are good days, bad days, very good days, and very bad days, I don't believe I've ever had a full-on "exacerbation." Maybe it's just the disease I have, maybe it's all those Chinese herbs and all that acupuncture, but those things directly increase the quality of my life, and have pretty much zero side effects.

But one thing I do get, and pretty much constantly, is numbness of all kinds. Numbness in my feet (makes driving very unnerving, is making organ playing nastily difficult), numbness blended with aching in my legs... and worst of all mental numbness. It's not just physical exhaustion that's plaguing me right now, it's mental exhaustion. I can't summon up the gumption to have decent ideas or even pay attention to things. Practicing kyudo requires both mental and physical effort, and coming up with both of those is pretty difficult, right now.

I get briefly recharged at the acupuncturists, but it doesn't last long. I'm not sure what there is that even can be done, much less what I should do.

At least I know what I'm going to do now: I'm going to bed. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

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