Friday, March 1, 2013

Metaphorical coincidence

Well, here's the good part. Music writing is actually happening, nice and easily. I do have to stop every now and then to lie down and recharge, but no sleeping-all-day episodes. Awake and getting stuff done, and said stuff seems to be getting done quite reasonably well.

And here's the not as good part. What I call "walking" is, at best, wall-walking. I'm not needing a wheelchair to get around the house. I even managed to retrieve from outside a 3-gallon water bottle, manhandle it inside, muscle off the top, and put it on the dispenser. Without splattering its contents everywhere. This, was a victory.

But even the wall-walking is doing quite poorly. More poorly than usual, and that's never encouraging.

Is the challenge specific to today? Is it... the beginning of what little "abilities" (large air-quotes around "abilities")... disappearing? Some people have classed M.S. as a "wasting disease" (as in "wasting away"), with my huge-air-quotes-walking abilities diminishing steadily as they seem to be, one can easily understand why they call it a "wasting" disease. The Official M.S. People would probably call what I have "primary progressive," but I think "wasting" captures it better.

Or is this just another temporary "hang on for the ride" challenge? Like I wasn't hanging on to pretty much everything, anyway, see above under "wall-walking"...

Fortunately, I'm still able to make it around the house without having to use a walker or a wheelchair, without using even a cane (as long as there's a wall or other steady object handy). I can get a cup of tea. I can traverse the distance between the studio and the bathroom. And air-quotes-walking badly even as I am, I can still, eventually, make it around the house. And, not being in any sort of hurry, taking it slow and easy is no problem at all.

This evening, I'm going to lay back for a while and rest. Have some tea. Then, I'll go back to the studio, to accomplish whatever I can get done for as long as I'm good for working at it, this evening. But that's just the music. What about ... walking? Air-quotes "walking"?

Wait and see, I guess... the way we survive everything on the Neurological Highway. Hang in there, keep your spirits up, what happens happens; meet it with calmness. Because, certainly, not being calm about it ain't doing anything for anybody.

As I've quoted before, Robert Heinlein said that the way to ride a tiger is to "hang on to its ears and try not to fall off."

Well, my grip strength has been unaffected... and interesting metaphorical coincidence, isn't it?

1 comment:

Muffie said...

Sometimes hanging on is all we have! I, too, walk the walls (counters, furniture, doorknobs, and so on.) But I have begun to use the walker indoors, now. I feel steadier with it, and I'm not marking my territory, so to speak. I'm so glad that you're back to writing music!