Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Bloated nothingness

My five-element acupuncturists are very earnest about addressing all three of body, mind, and spirit.

I'm starting to think my M.S. experience is traveling in, is exacerbated by and relieved by, addressing those very three things.

At my last acupunturing, I told My Guy about the inescapability of the "I gotta sleep now now now now now," and he said that this in particular is due to a very five-element-acupuncture-treatable condition.

And he said that this particular expression of this condition he could relieve with a few needles, but to keep it from coming back (which it has been doing, pretty much weekly), it needed to be eradicated by releasing my conflicts.

So I did some pretty intense "inner work" trying to find the root of these conflicts, and I don't know whether I nailed "it"--big-letters IT--but something leapt out. A truth that needed to be spoken. Not "to" anyone; but I needed to speak it. The saying of it was an "inner commitment" to that truth. Kinda like a "confessional" experience, a truly, truly, acknowledgement of this truth. (Which, just to close the loop between us here today, was very, very, true.)

Today, I've had a couple of "I gotta lie down and close my eyes" moments, but they didn't last long. One of them required a small bit of napping, maybe 10-15 minutes at most. And then, at some point, I realized... I was fine. I could get back to what I was working on, at my computer.

There has been This Project sitting metaphorically on my desk since last... May, I think it was. It was a piece I really really really wanted to write... and since May, I've basically been a prisoner of fatigue.

Today, I wrote more, and wrote more intensely and quickly, than I've written anything in years. I'm coming close to "I think I'm actually finished with this movement"--sure, I need to fine-tooth-comb it, swabbing for "oops-es" and the inevitable "WFT was I thinking?!?" that intrudes itself into any creative project, but... I'm further along than I thought I was ever going to be. And certainly, much further along than I had expected to be in only ONE day.

So, friends, M.S. or not--but especially my fellow M.S.ers-- time to give full vent to the "I can" that is still in our lives, untouched and untouchable by neurological nonsense.

As Emerson said, "Let us take our bloated nothingness out of the divine circuits."

(And OH boy, I had NO idea how bloated my nothingness was. MAJOR bloated.) And one last thought, to end today's submission:

"Let us unlearn our wisdom of the world."

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