Friday, March 8, 2013

The "hard" part is...

A sake-pairing dinner, with the most amazing dishes being served after dinner.

Just to clarify for those who haven't done it before, a "sake pairing" offers a series of dishes, paired with a series of sakes. The objective is to observe, and with luck enjoy, the synergy of the food and the sake.

One of the most enjoyable non-gustatorial parts of this event at this particular restaurant is the "get to know each other" conversations, during and after the "official" part of the dinner.

Sitting next to my wife and me was a very interesting couple, who it turns out only lives minutes away from us. (Well, "minutes" when you're traveling by car... we're at the bottom of the hill, they're at the top, but let's stick with "minutes away" in the non-walking world). It turns out they're psychic/energy healers, who suggested I look into another local who does yoga and has attributed her being nearly-symptom-free to that yoga (plus a very strong dose of positive thinking, which never hurts).

At the end of the evening, on our way out the door, they and I had a very interesting exchange, which I'd like to continue with them later. I can't repeat their exact words (not because of confidentiality, because I don't remember the exact words) but at the bottom line, it came out to this:

You're the only one responsible for "you"... and don't argue for limitations.

A five-minute conversation after a sake-pairing dinner becomes an invitation to an interesting bit of, as my beloved timpani teacher used to call it, "rigorous personal self-inventory." Exactly what part of "I can't do X" is that "X" (whatever "X" happens to be, within this particular investigation) fits within the category of "actually not possible," what part is "don't want to," what part is "don't want to but I'm going to blame it on something external that has nothing to do with me or my  disability but I like blaming things on it because it's easier than actually taking the responsibility for doing something about it."

And especially interesting is when the "limitation" is a limitation that I'm arguing for. A limitation that I am fighting to maintain, because having a "limitation" means it's not my fault for being limited. It's the limitation, not me. Not my fault! Not responsible! Can't be responsible—it's the completely-external-to-me limitation!

But if I really want to find where this particular investigation leads me... it starts with honesty. Which, even I, the King of Denial, have to admit is 100% within my abilities, neurological nonsense and all.

In John 18:38, Pilate asks "What is truth?"

It's the easiest thing in the world. And the hardest. And whose choice, whose responsibility, is that?

The truth is... the answer to this one, we all know. The hard part is... admitting it. Not admitting the knowing... admitting the truth.

No comments: