Monday, March 11, 2013

Well, here's some spiritual and physical and spiritual musings...

I've noticed that some things are definitely working less well than before (even "such 'working' as they were, which wasn't much" taken into account). The easiest one to share is locomotion... it's barely able to be called "walking," but I am able to huge-air-quotes-walk, in a way, in certain conditions, given certain assistants such as walls, railings, or the side of my truck. Yesterday, I felt it failing, little by little.  But failing. Other things seem to be stopping, or have stopped, working, but I'll spare you those details. Trust me, you don't want them.

And the interesting thing is, my reaction seems to be...

"Oh."

Denial, I've got down to a science. An art form. Denial, I know what that feels like. This isn't it. Is it... "acceptance," the polar opposite moral force to denial? Well, inasmuchas I'm not nearly as familiar with that, I don't exactly know what it feels like. But to be a moral "force," I'd think that it would have more "force." Denial has a whale of a force, acceptance to be truly its opposite should have the same amount of power, of... force. But what I have is...

"Oh."

Am I not engaging myself and my experience? Am I engaging them, but am merely not taking effect from them? Have I already accepted the condition, and thus don't feel the change as the acceptance's force meets the condition? Is it all of those? Is it none of those?

Dunno. Later today, I'm seeing my Medical Team. They always have very, very good ideas. And probably, at the end of it all, I'll just be saying...

"Oh."

Not "Oh well," just "Oh." If I learn something worth sharing, I will. If I don't learn something, I guess I'll wind up going through it again. Now, that one is definitely...

"Oh well."

3 comments:

Judy at Peace Be With You said...

"Oh" could simply be a muted expression of shock.

Muffie said...

I often see that voyage from denial to acceptance as happening again and again. It isn't just one trip. As for the actual 'acceptance,' I think sometimes we just steel ourselves and become resigned to the inevitable. 'Acceptance' carries a nice, positive tone, and when I feel resigned, I'm just not all that positive.
Peace,
Muff

Robert Parker said...

Robert Heinlein's characters (in "Stranger in a Strange Land," I think) sometimes used the expression "cooperated with the inevitable."

But that was very, VERY different. "Acceptance with benefits," as it were.