A sensation of temperature: My legs are cold. Cold. Cold cold cold cold cold. I don't know whether it's the environment's temperature, or the endothermic temperature I'm perceiving them as having, that's causing this, but using my legs at all is more difficult than ever. Standing up was always a bit of a "trick," but now it's a challenge. And not one that I'm always sure I'm going to overcome."Not falling" is becoming a moving target.
A sensation of ... Lord, I don't know what: A few days ago, I was sitting at dinner with my wife and my parents. Now, I'm sure that this was due to nothing that anybody said--especially because it happened again, at unrelated times, over the next few days. I'm not really sure how to describe this well, but the best words I can give it are...
Something's wrong. Something just went wrong. Bad wrong.
I took a day off work, stayed at home. Functioned physically reasonably enough at home. But I felt like... something had gone wrong. Energetically, maybe... very deeply, very subtly, but wrong.
Now, even with the people that I traffic with, in the healthcare world, who are used to reading subtle signs, I don't know how I'm going to explain that. We'll see.
And a sensation of... the seeds of transformation: I stepped out of the house one day, and I breathed the air, and I got a real significant "juju" buzz, simply from the world. It was the onrushing element of Water (five-element Water, not the stuff that falls from the sky so rarely here in L.A.). But Water is about, among other things, rebuilding. Getting ready for new growth... for the Big Changes that new growth brings. It's about very profound internal transformation... Neil Gumenick's site says it way better than I can.
But this kind of internal rebuilding, internal reconstruction, internal transformation, is just what I think I am being called upon to face. And that's going to have its expression externally, and that change could very well be huge.
The M.S. Highway does present the most amazing challenges, in the most amazing dude-there's-no-way-you're-dodging-this-one ways.
Amazing gifts, indeed.