Saturday, November 12, 2011

Sensations; amazing gifts, indeed

Interesting sensations, over the past few days. Physical, meteorological, energetic, even metaphysical sensations.

A sensation of temperature: My legs are cold. Cold. Cold cold cold cold cold. I don't know whether it's the environment's temperature, or the endothermic temperature I'm perceiving them as having, that's causing this, but using my legs at all is more difficult than ever. Standing up was always a bit of a "trick," but now it's a challenge. And not one that I'm always sure I'm going to overcome."Not falling" is becoming a moving target.

A sensation of ... Lord, I don't know what: A few days ago, I was sitting at dinner with my wife and my parents. Now, I'm sure that this was due to nothing that anybody said--especially because it happened again, at unrelated times, over the next few days. I'm not really sure how to describe this well, but the best words I can give it are...

Something's wrong. Something just went wrong. Bad wrong.

I took a day off work, stayed at home. Functioned physically reasonably enough at home. But I felt like... something had gone wrong. Energetically, maybe... very deeply, very subtly, but wrong.

Now, even with the people that I traffic with, in the healthcare world, who are used to reading subtle signs, I don't know how I'm going to explain that. We'll see.

And a sensation of... the seeds of transformation: I stepped out of the house one day, and I breathed the air, and I got a real significant "juju" buzz, simply from the world. It was the onrushing element of Water (five-element Water, not the stuff that falls from the sky so rarely here in L.A.). But Water is about, among other things, rebuilding. Getting ready for new growth... for the Big Changes that new growth brings. It's about very profound internal transformation... Neil Gumenick's site says it way better than I can.

But this kind of internal rebuilding, internal reconstruction, internal transformation, is just what I think I am being called upon to face. And that's going to have its expression externally, and that change could very well be huge.

The M.S. Highway does present the most amazing challenges, in the most amazing dude-there's-no-way-you're-dodging-this-one ways.

Amazing gifts, indeed.


Katja said...

You're smart to stay home and rest when the weird things come on.

Once the weather turns, my feet/legs get cold, cold, cold. I've got the heating pad, the hot water bottle, the extra blankets, the microwavable grain filled thing and the Ugg boots, and deploy some or all as needed.

nicole said...

You are so in sync with your body. This must really be a tricky one for you.