A visit to the dentist Monday said that I'd need a tooth removed. Knew that was coming (actually, I was warned that that was going to happen about forty years ago, it's a baby tooth that never had a permanent tooth grow to push it aside, we knew it was gonna last about this long at best). Oh well, two out of three medical visits being good news is pretty good, in this business.
My neurologist-cum-G.P.-cum-acupuncturist said that my leg weakness was about half nerve damage, half "you're out of practice," so get some exercise, dammit, you wanna be in a wheelchair 100% of the time or what? Well, the answer is "what," obviously. Besides "no lifting weights," his suggestion was to do any exercise rather than no exercise, so there we go.
'Course, my "walking," and that's in huge air quotes, "walking," even with the walker, is pretty wacky right now. Part of the problem is that I'm actually getting sensation in my legs. As well as full-on numbness. As Mr. Spock would say, "Fascinating." And, it really is unusual. I'd find it entertaining, if I wasn't concerned that I'd fall over at any second. Except I don't, somehow.
This is one of the damnedest things about this phase of the disease—false alarms. "Urgency," as the turn of phrase has it. But when the time comes... no, nothing urgent about it. "You're going to fall over, any second now." Except I don't. Somehow.
What an interesting adventure, it is... To be confronted with "This is just a sensation. There is no 'truth' in it. It is just a sensation." To feel with absolute certainty that your senses are reporting something completely true to you, and then a manifestation (or lack thereof) shows with absolute certainty that said sensation wasn't "true." And I get the converse, too... A sensation that "there is nothing happening." And then I'm shown that there was/is something happening. One sensation is false, one sensation is true.
Is the lesson "There is no false, there is no true, there just is ... is"? Well, interpreting this as "I can't trust my own body" is more depressing and doesn't extend in its Zen-ness to the rest of the world...
Or perhaps the lesson is... eat the strawberry.
5 comments:
Did your neuro say why you shouldn't lift weights?
Always thought in the story the strawberry was right in front of him: all he had to do was take a bite. Doesn't matter--lesson is the same. I think.
Just came across this blog of yours--keep up the bold work!
-Willie
Katja: He things there are better, gentler ways to exercise. I think he's talking about "bulk up" weight lifting; one of my body workers (with whom my neuro never disagrees) said that weight-lifting treated as "stretching with added resistance" was OK.
Thanks for responding - one of my themes this decade is regretting following my first neuro's instructions to not exercise. It took about 10 years after my diagnosis for me to start exercising (including strength training, my favorite thing). I'd hate to think that 17 years later neurologists were still telling their MS patients to lie on the couch and wait for the heavenly chariot.
Oh, if there's one thing my MD/neuro constantly chides me about needing to do, it's CHASING the heavenly chariot--the one that's here on earth. "Sit there and wait to die" is about as far from his favorite recommendations as anything COULD be.
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