I went to an orchestration workshop this weekend put on by the Film Music Institute, all about how to orchestrate that Big Hollywood Sound. (What we talked about helps you orchestrate pretty much everything better, but it's specifically about making that Big Hollywood Sound.) And of course there were plenty of entertaining stories about various Famous Composers and their compositional habits and talents (or lack thereof, in many cases), and a good time was had by all.
But about an hour into it, I felt a very deep internal "click," like a switch being thrown--and for once, closing a circuit. Making, not breaking, a connection. And a very quiet feeling of "this is where I belong."
Not film music specifically, good Lord in Heaven no! But creating, and specifically creating powerful and beautiful things, whether or not I have a customer asking for something--what has more often than not being what got me started creating things. I need to create things anyway, because I need simply to create. And more importantly, I felt like I can.
I was not filled with a caffeine-achiever drive, a throbbing compulsion to "Quick, start writing, now," or anything like that. Simply a very quiet sense that, like the Obama slogan says, "Yes, I can."
And the ideas are starting to not flow, but sprout. Now, my job is to water them properly and make sure they get sunlight and fresh air.
We'll see what happens.