Friday, June 12, 2015

No side effects

Days are very flat. I spend them in bed. I have, in the past, sat at the computer and done all sorts of stuff. Nowadays... I hit the wall pretty fast, and then I give up.

A day or so ago, I read this publication by some MS Society that talked about bladder and bowel issues. The "bladder issue" talked about all these things one could try, like surgery? Wow, doesn't that sound like a great idea... an example of what not to do. At least, for me not to do, I can't speak of or about the people who make that choice, because I know nothing of them or their experience.

The "bowel issue" said that losing ability to walk, bowel issues, and bladder issues, all travel around together as a team, I guess, but eventually you're gonna "get" to deal with all three.

I had a conversation yesterday with a student-turned-friend who is working on some video stuff, and wanted to interview me about my experience with medical marijuana as an MS treatment. Being the only treatment I've tried that actually dips into "makes me feel better," I was happy to do the interview and will share it when it has been posted.

Right now, as I'm chatting with you, I think about all the things that I could do, like fiddle with my web site, continue thinking about how I need to reorganize it, make some notes, maybe even create some music!

Or I'm gonna go lie down, and give up for today.

This is an interesting gift of MS... coming face to face with choices. I can choose to stay up, face planted in the wall and all, or I can do something else, yeah my "doing stuff" issues come to the fore, but at some point, there's a choice. Sitting at the computer is maybe not an option, but actively recovering rather than just giving up and lying there... that's a choice. One might say that I'm choosing to watch Cartoon Network reruns, but since I choose the ones that make me happy, that's very different from just staring at commercials or shows I don't like; I chose joy, rather than simply occupation. A far better use of my few moments in this issue-laden mortal shell, to select moments of joy, even if they're just stories, but they're stories of love and caring for one another... that's very different.

So, even if I do bail on computer stuff, I can still bring joy. I can make good-morning matcha for my wife. Feed the cat. Rub the cat, if that's what she wants. Doing "contemplating" stuff while lying in bed is pretty much a non-issue, as long as I capture what's worth being kept. Maybe use this "phone" thing to talk to parents and friends, even.

So, that's what's on deck for today. Has nothing to do with "getting things done," but why not start and end with... joy?

Again... a perfect prescription!

No side effects.


Muffie said...

Is there a way for you to sit in bed and type? Just wondering if that might help.

Robert Parker said...

Perhaps. On the someday RSN (Real Soon Now) list is a laptop specifically for use in bed... w shall see, we shall see.