I did manage to create a new arrangement for the choir I used to sing with/for, I haven't heard that it worked (or didn't) but I'm sure it did (or didn't).
I've been playing Christmas Eve gigs for well over thirty years. Sometimes multiple services in one night. Once, a couple of weeks in advance, taped for television to air on 12/24 (but not recorded that evening).
And this year, I ain't doing anything. I ain't even going to that service, or any other.
Because, right now at least… as Finn the Human said so eloquently, "I'm done."
And I don't really know how I feel about that. I have gotten so much "juice" out of other places, people, groups, whatever, just giving me complete "go" to "make some magic."
And not only am I dealing with not "getting the juice," but dealing with caring about … not caring.
Again, do I actually not care, or am I in a new-and-yet-accustomed kind of denial?
I don't know.
This week's dharma talk at my acupuncturist, was about paying more attention to the heart than to the head… Head wants to understand, needs to understand, but the heart… just knows. It already knows the truth. It always knows the truth. But it doesn't "understand," that's a head thing. And trying to find head-style surcease from the heart is a non-starter.
A "no-brainer," one might say.
But that's an interesting call I've been receiving… a lot… to quit trying to get the head to "fix things" by "understanding" them. But instead, to connect the heart--the Heart--to the Utmost Source.
Yeah, that's easy. Except it isn't.
Except it is.
As long as I quit trying to "understand" at it.
Now, that's a challenge…
Except it isn't.
And trying to make it into a problem to be solved by throwing head-style "understanding" at it… only makes it worse. The solution… isn't a solution, because there isn't a "problem."
Never a dull moment, eh?