Awight. I really, really, have been trying hard to see the spiritual truths and all that stuff.
But "truths" require truth, don't they?
So let's get this out of the way. A truth that I really do need to cop to.
I f&$king hate this.
I'm getting too thin because I'm not eating properly. I don't eat properly because to do so makes me uncomfortable.
I'm having more and more trouble with locomotion. I won't even call it air-quotes "walking" any more. Walking (such as it is) goes awry in ever the most amazing ways. I haven't hit the floor yet—and I say "yet" not to presage its inevitability, but because that's the way it is: at this point, I haven't hit the floor during "walking" or whatever we wanna call it.
Elimination issues of all kinds pertaining to all kinds of elimination. You don't want more information. Trust me.
My strength and agility of my hands are starting to fade. Lack of control with the "keyboard" of my iPhone' my signature is still pretty much what it's ever been but even printing has gotten visibly worse, it's definitely harder to do, even getting to the point that I don't even want to attempt it; and typing at the moment works OK enough, I guess... but on the machine I'm using at the moment, things get pressed incorrectly and the cursor flies all over the screen to the most amazing locations.
Well, something did work today. I managed to have a toaster muffin and enjoy it. And not regret eating it. I have new herbs this week specific to many of my f@$king annoying issues... we'll see how well they work.
At least I did learn that something rates as "normal." I've been having problems if something moves sideways past my eyes too fast (for example, person pushing me in the wheelchair whirls/spins me too fast, or pushes me past the aisles in the supermarket too quickly). I don't get queasy as such, but it's dizzying and uncomfortable. Doc tells me that's built-in wiring, this particular optic whatever is connected somehow (neurologically) to the inner ear.
Well, it's normal, at least.
Although as a friend of mine once said, "If it happens... it's normal."
Sometimes, I find that immensely comforting. But alas... not always.