Thursday, August 15, 2013

For now

Went to the eye doctor yesterday. (A full-on doctor, MD and everything, not just a "glasses guy.") Much good news; optic nerve looks fantastic (therefore, optic neuritis is very unlikely), one of my eyes sees quite reasonably well, the other one needs some more help. Cataract
 surgery needed eventually, but thankfully not yet or any time soon. I am on the "see her every six months, not once a year" plan, though.

She told me that as far as she was concerned, I was seriously underweight. Maybe even "dangerously" underweight.

And here's the conundrum: Of course, I don't get hungry. Haven't for years. Do, however, feel things that I associate with "must be time to eat, eh?" But the problem arises when I do eat something, I wish I hadn't; "tummy has stuff in it" is kinda uncomfortable. Or sometimes "pretty uncomfortable." Sometimes, even knowing that yeah, maybe I'd better eat something, tummy has jumped already to "uncomfortable."

And if I don't eat, I feel differently uncomfortable. Faint, even.

So there it is: I know that body needs nutrition and all that, but if I do eat something I regret it, and if I don't eat something, I regret it. And to make matters worse, the "just having eaten" regret is worse.

There are special circumstances and/or medicinal herbs that address the discomfort, sometimes, but they're not always available to me. When they are...great! When they're not... not great.

My wife and I were talking about going somewhere to lunch today. I had some breakfast. I regretted it pretty much instantly. I'm gonna close this down, then probably go back to bed. Will we wind up going to anywhere today?

I honestly don't know.

The world of "I don't know if I should" is a particular place of discomfort. I spend way too much time in the world of "I don't know whether I can."

I'm staying out of the world of "I don't know if I'll ever be able to" with reasonable success.

For now.

But in the MSer's world of "everything changes constantly," that's one thing I sincerely hope won't.


Muffie said...

While I don't have the same tummy symptoms, I do know the feeling of "I don't think I should have eaten that," and the 'that' changes constantly. It's worse when I'm alone, because then I also don't feel like making anything just for me. So, I usually just pick at something easy, and that's not healthy.
Yep, we're real marvels of nature, aren't we?

Robert Parker said...

Times of day seem to matter (sometimes), proper administration of my medicinal herbs seems to help (sometimes).

Although I have found a trick to reheating stuff, which works best with stuff I liked in its original form... I add just a scant squirt of shriracha, ketchup, and maybe even a little shot of mayo. Adds hot, sweet, and a nice lush mouth feel from the mayo. Is that the "healthiest" way to amend the flavor? If it enables me to eat it... hell yeah.

At the start of this century, I weighed around 200 pounds. Today, I'm barely above 130. I got a long way to go before I need to worry about "healthy eating." The first problem being, y'know, just eating.

We keep Amy's frozen goodies handy, just in case. VERY easy. Especially good are Amy's Indian things, with a little mango chutney added for flavor. VERY easy "for one" solutions.