Wednesday, August 28, 2013


Man, am I daily finding new ways of getting completely exhausted.

Let me reassure you, I sure ain't looking for new ways to drain myself completely of everything. But whatever I happen to do, seems to very efficiently drain me of everything.

Sucks me dry.

It's one thing to be tired, it's something else to have your soul sucked completely dry. An interesting difference.

Let's put monster air-quotes around "interesting" difference.

I spent today's what-passes-for-energy shipping some music to someone in Tennessee. Man, this "internet" thing is amazing. This Person wanted some music I had written for full-sized orchestra (a fifty-piece orchestra, when it was premiered a few years ago). Time was, in the Olde Days, I had to print it all and Snail-mail it to the folks who were gonna perform it.  Post-9/11, one apparently can't just stick a stamp on such things and mail it, they need to be taken to the post office and a postal worker has to stick a stamp on it and mail it. I never understood USPS's choice here... They want to make sure nobody puts a bomb into something and sticks said bomb on a plane, I get that. But the place I was mailing it to was between me and the airport... you had to drive past the place I was mailing it if you wanted to get to the airport.

Now, with digital delivery, it's auto-magical. POOF! it's there. Click and print. Which has its own conveniences for the recipient... "Oh dear, I lost a copy of XYZ." Well, just print another one. "Oh dear, I forgot my copy of XYZ, whatever will I do?" Well, you got an internet connection and a printer? POOF! Problem solved, magically and instantly!

But man oh man, is this draining. I haven't written music today, all I've done is printed it. And that's too much to ask.

A college friend of mine will be in town tomorrow. He wants to go try those tea places I keep Facebook-ing about. I'm seriously torn between "No problem, I'll need a little help with my wheelchair, but it'll be easy and fun! Let's go!" and calling him and canceling and never, never, never leaving the house. Because it just takes Too Much.

And just typing this has taken what little I have left. My wife very thoughtfully made me quite a wonderful sandwich. I'm going to finish that, wall-walk to the kitchen, have my "yummy" medicinal herbs, then go lie down.  And that's about all I'll have today. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to get up and watch Futurama at 7PM. Maybe. We'll see.

Do have to decide before the end of the day whether tomorrow with College Friend is on or off. Would very much like to have it on. I expect I'm going to regret doing it, even before it's finished having been done. Frankly, I expect to regret it about an hour into the whole adventure... if it even takes that long. Will definitely not regret having seen a friend, but expect to regret having left the house. The bed. I mean, I regret leaving the bed just to make it to the bathroom (even though I don't ever regret using the bathroom, but just getting there... is another matter.) But how much is this gonna cost me?

We'll see...


Muffie said...

I so understand what you're saying. There are times when it really is a big decision whether to meet with someone (and all the preparation it involves) or just blow it off and use the disease as an excuse. For me, I usually do end up going, knowing I'll be exhausted, but then dedicating the days after as sleep/rest periods to revive my body. The visit, on the other hand, revives my spirit.

Robert Parker said...

My doctor calls it "Playing the MS card." Which I try not to do. But here's the difference between "excuse" and "reason"... I can't do X because of Y, and it's OK that I can't because Y lets me off the hook: That's an excuse. I can't do X because of Y. Period. That makes Y a reason.

Which also sucks. Differently, but sucks nonetheless.