Friday, April 5, 2013

What's "between"

Man, what an amazing evening. A vegan dinner with some dear, dear friends... Friends who, besides their amazing artistic talents, also have quite the amazing connections to just-plain-wisdom.

One of them had the most amazing things to say to me about my current travels on the road of life, the Neurological Highway being only one lane. Not even as significant as a "lane"... perhaps, at best, Botts' dots. And not even a whole lane's worth... maybe, just one or two.

Our conversation last night echoed the conversations that we have had, gentle reader, about the spiritual journey facilitated—yes, facilitated, and not just "facilitated by," but a journey that I was compelled to take—by my "neurologicals."

My spiritual "spelunking" into places that I hadn't explored nearly as much as I should have, has been very much removed from of a self-imposed, self-constructed, cave... and into the Light. Yes, "capital L" Light.

Issues within my former workplace that were, due to the dissonant intersection of my own karmic issues with the unique issues of The Enterprise—dissonances that had been weighing horribly heavily on me—have simply been taken off the table by my disability. Those problems have officially been transformed into "Not my problem any more." I still gotta cop to the truth of what I contributed to the dissonance, and how I felt about what happened no matter whose "fault" it was, but what they did, what they're doing now? Not my problem.

Many things that I kinda... well, more than "kinda," to be honest; it was keeping them in the "kinda" state, when the truth was "definitely," that was causing a lot of problems... Anyway, many things that had come to the "time to say goodbye" point have been forced to, and past, that point. In part, because the "to be honest" thing was also forced upon me. By The Disease? No, The Disease doesn't exist as a thing that "does" anything. It's not real, and never has been real; it has never existed. By... the Universe? Perhaps... that's getting closer, at least... By the challenges that I had requested from the Universe, to put me in precisely the place that I needed to be?

I'm going with that one. Because issue upon issue has had within it the seed of "Dude, you really need to cop to this..." And actually doing that "processing" as the turn of phrase often puts it, of copping to the truth and releasing the emotion that has been attached to that truth, has revealed itself each time to be precisely what I needed to do.

Yeah, I have to use a wheelchair, it's tricky/difficult/sometimes potentially risky to move it into and out of my truck; I have to walk carefully and be especially cautious about not pulling the TV over onto myself and cracking more ribs; I don't do [very, very, very long list of things I used to regard as "just part of a normal day"] any more.

But, inconvenient as those are, they're actually a not-even-vaguely "close" runner-up to the spiritual journey. Or, as the Muslims say, "The great jihad is the internal jihad."

I have a lot of truth-telling to do. Opening the heart, opening the mind. Clarifying both of them, letting their light shine out, and the light of the Universe to shine in.

To paraphrase what Joe Straczynski often wrote in The Legend of the Rangers (and, I'm sure, many other places, both within and without the Babylon 5 universe)...
What comes next is between you... and you.
Or, more correctly, in this context: What comes next is between me... and me.

1 comment:

Muffie said...

Somewhat reminds me of the Dag Hammarskjold quote:

“The longest journey
Is the journey inwards.
Of him who has chosen his destiny,
Who has started upon his quest
For the source of his being." page 58

The present moment is significant, not as the bridge between past and future, but by reason of its contents, contents which can fill our emptiness and become ours, if we are capable of receiving them." page 62”

― Dag Hammarskj√∂ld, Markings

I love that book -- it's been a source of many meditations for me.