Sunday, April 14, 2013

Gifts and truth

Doing more of the "business of saying farewell." I just handed off to a friend of mine the package of commencement music, the very package that I've been using for the last ten of the forty years of doing this gig.

Everything is nice and neat in folders for each instrument, plus a nifty little notebook for the conductor. A package that I made years ago, not only to make it easy on myself to get ready to do the gig, but... well, just in case something happened to me, they could just take the folders and they'd be ready to go.

Go figure... After all, something did "happen to me," stopping me from doing the gig, didn't it?

Also today, I heard some stories about the place I used to work. Details aren't important, but damn, did I get out of there just in time. All I'll say is that if I thought my final year there was killing me, this year would definitely have finished the job.

Recently, a "gift of M.S." has definitely been facing the truth. Especially the truth of... this particular truth, I really do have to face.

The truth of being done with my forty-year-long gig. The truth of "It was time to say goodbye." The truth of "This here... this is the truth."

Now, there are truths about what my nervous system does or doesn't do, and there's a difference between "dealing with them" and "copping to them"... and as easy as the former may (appear) to be, it's the latter that's really necessary.

I'm definitely finding myself getting more practice at copping to the truth.


Not always pleasant. Oh, no.

But necessary? Yes. 

And that is the gift.

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