Right now, I actually feel sick, but it's not an M.S. exacerbation (whatever that is) or anything neurological. It's best described by Traditional Chinese Medicine (T.C.M.) as Wind Heat, something that comes upon me pretty much every winter. Wind and Heat, of course, being two of T.C.M's "Pernicious External Influences." That terminology isn't unique to T.C.M.; in Japan, you don't catch colds, you catch kaze, Wind.
It usually starts as nasty hot, burning, back-of-the-soft-palate dryness, and then some sort of Gunk settles deep in my chest. I skipped the usual dry burning and went right to the Deep In The Chest Gunk.
So, I've got an immune system that's wacked out by I'm not sure what and attacking my myelin. Or, according to one of my Chinese herbalists, I've got some sort of Heat scorching the lobes of my Lung, because Kidney isn't creating enough water to cool the fire.
However you want to look at it, I'm sick.
And somehow, sick-plus-M.S. feels especially sick.
Now this is definitely humor you can't write. Feeling sick is irreproachable proof that you're alive; you feel yukky, yeah, but you feel fully present in your body.
Not like the M.S. doesn't bring us extra sensitivity. Sensitivity on top of sensitivity, and feeling yukky through that "lens" of increased sensitivity...
Yeah I feel like crap. But I'm definitely alive!
And, you know, given all the things that have been lost by our walk on the M.S. Highway...
That's gotta be worth something.