Friday, January 27, 2012


Just so's you know, gentle readers, that I spend my M.S. Moments in something other than poetic Zen musings and omphaloskepsis... I had another one of those Humor You Can't Write events this afternoon.

Let's see how I can phrase this in a genteel manor... So many of us M.S.ers have moments that we can categorize under ... Whizz-o-mania. For me, these moments often involve cups provided by That Major Coffee Chain; and I'm sure that some of my gentle readers might feel that said cups have been put to no more noble use than these.

The first of these moments was a couple of years ago, on a trip to Vegas. I had been on the freeway Much Too Long, and what had been promised to be a wonderful route was slogging nastily, L.A. style. And I'm praying that My Exit will arrive soon, oh God, please, soon... and eventually I come to the exit, and I pull off, thinking that I'll stop immediately at a gas station, and all will be well.

There are no gas stations.

Alright, I think, desperation increasing with every passing second... I'll just pull over.

Nope. Nowhere to pull over. "No stopping," as far as the eye can see.

Finally, I find somewhere to pull off the road, and I grab the magical cup, and do what I'd been hoping to do for ever so long. Ahh... life is wonderful. But "wonderful" is short-lived...

The cup is getting fuller, and fuller, and soon it's going to overflow... and I can't stop filling the cup. No matter what I do. I try the muscular-control method. Nope. I try mechanical methods. Nope.

Fortunately, some sort of control (I forget exactly what finally worked) returns before disaster strikes. Finally... all is well. No harm done to anything, besides the whole "having to live through the experience" thing.

But even at the time, I thought it was funny.

So anyway, back to today... I'm seeing a reprise of those unforgettable moments. I'm at the market, and I start walking into the market, and I know that (since walking "hastens" matters) I can't walk all the way in to the store without spectacularly "hastening" something both pleasant and unpleasant. Back into the car, desperately grab for the emergency cup, and ...

Nothing. I'm expecting exuberant torrents, and... nothing.

You were so insistent, I think. Desperate. Panicking. Threatening imminent disaster. And this... this is all you got.

Eventually... something happens. I think something happened, at least. After a while.

And this too, at the time, I thought was funny.

Y'know, we're not afforded control of our basic physical functions, and we're handed all sorts of unwelcome surprises...

But nothing says we can't laugh.

1 comment:

Muffie said...

Yes, Robert, we've all been there and we empathize. Just thank your lucky stars you're a guy!! (The story was funny, though.)