On balance...

I made it through the Commencement service. With style.

Thank heavens, I'm quite familiar with the organ, and because as a theater organ its manual stops can reach the pitch normally played by the pedals, through creative rule-breaking registration and rewriting the music on the fly, I managed to make it through the scariest part of the ceremony—the processional—just fine. And I'm the only one who knew what I did to pull it off... which is exactly how it's supposed to be.

And best of all, I know that next year, if my legs don't improve, or even deteriorate, that as long as I can get onto the console, I'll be able to perform.

And that's really important to me. To not have to "pull the plug" on being an organist. That as long as I'm working with the right organ, playing the right pieces... I'm still an organist.

That's a real relief. (very happy sigh)

Today, my legs, below the knees, are more numb than they've been in a while. I've only got one more meeting to go and the school year is officially over, I had many fantasies of spending the summer writing music, and... I've got no energy to do it. I went in to the school today to do some "sitting at my desk and typing" work, did a quick "run to the store" errand, then came home and crashed for hours, and it took a lot of doing just to type this. I even have a recording of the commencement performance to post; I don't have the gumption to get it together and do that.

But when I have the energy, the right instrument, and the right music, I'm still an organist.

I feel like I don't have a lot, right now... but that, I still have.

On balance... I'm ahead.