Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Deal with the choice

Had the weekly acupuncture treatment/dharma talk at the acupuncturist's today.

His conclusion: Something needs to change.

There are a lot of external things that can't be changed (such as the heat of the summer, climate and geography of places that I want to be for whatever activity, the distance I have to drive to go to the places that I want to visit and the challenge of walking/standing once I'm there, the people I want to hang out with who are unavailable due to children or careers or are on the Atlantic coast). There are physical things that can't be changed (how I respond to the heat of the summer, the difficulties I have standing and walking, the amount of energy I have at any given time).

My acupuncturist, and my other health-care providers, can do wonderful things, but there are things they can't change. They can do only what my body allows them to do.

What needs to be changed... is my consciousness.

That's one hell of a prescription, ain't it?

Or a "heaven" of a prescription...

I think I have the tools, I think I've always had the tools. But that's a "mental" thing, and using my intellect as the one and only tool is definitely not the path (believe me, I've been trying that one, for most of my life, and all of my M.S. journey).

First change of consciousness is... reach for the tools, and use them, rather than simply look at them sitting on the shelf and thinking "yes, those might be the tools, mightent they."

To choose to change. A choice the heart must make, not the head.

And you can't "think" the heart into a change. Believe me, I've tried.

I'm trying even as I type this. Even if I know that it won't work.

Interesting thing, this M.S. journey. Dealing with the elimination systems malfunctions, the loss of sensation, the loss of muscle control... those are easy, compared to this.

And yet, we deal with physical tribulations easily, because we have no other choice.

And now, a change of consciousness is called for; and again, there's no other choice.

And somehow, this one, but not the physical ones, is hard to deal with?

One friend told me, years ago, "You needed to get M.S."

I guess... he was right.

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