Dizziness that's not exactly dizziness; "poor attachment," one might call it, the mind and the body not really synching with each other. I'm almost unable to walk, but still can; almost unbalanced, but still can balance. I can sort of work, sort of think. (There we go again with "sort of." If I could think better, I could come up with a more precise way to express indeterminacy.)
The day wasn't a total loss: I managed to get some good work done on an orchestration project; my wife immeasurably helped me today, simply in digging up a phone number for someone for whom I'm doing said orchestration; and I was able to assist my wife to record some voice-over auditions. But I had to cancel a long-standing lunch date and evening plans, because me at the wheel of a motor vehicle right now is a very, very bad idea. Thank God that I'm on vacation, because I neither know how I could get to school, nor how I could deal with teaching any of my classes.
This is as close to "acutely disabled" as I've been for a while. Especially disappointing given last week's really quite wonderful burst of positive energy. I really hope it's an acupuncture-treatable condition (I'm getting treated tomorrow), because if this doesn't mend itself in a couple of days, I'm going to have to start canceling more serious commitments than just a lunch and an evening get-together.
Fortunately, even though my life is quite impacted right now, I'm "disabled" with regard to many of my normal life functions such as driving and dealing with the outside world, I'm not veering towards depression; not in the least. And I think I have my checkered past to thank for maintaining my "forward momentum" without dipping into despair. Like much wayward youth, my college days involved a great deal of... oh, let's call it "colorful and creative dissipation," and among the things that lifestyle teaches you is that (a) "unbelievably weird" usually turns out to be temporary, so there's no need either to freak out or to worry; and (b) how to make it home, no matter what shape you're in. So my head is swimming, I'm having trouble walking, and I'm getting all sorts of weird feelings from, and annoying malfunctions within, odd parts of my body. But I'm not depressed, I don't even view it as any kind of loss (not yet, anyway).
What can I say? I've lived through much more intense weirdness, and managed to make it through that. So, I've had a lot of practice "making it through" weird moments, weird times, weird feelings. Old news. Doesn't make what's happening to me any less unpleasant or any less unreal, but... Seen it before, in other forms. Been there, done that.
MS can be, in many ways, pretty funny. Darkly funny, very darkly funny, but you'd be surprised at how easily and often you can laugh at it. But really... the Hunter S. Thompson lifestyle, as the perfect preparation for life with MS?
Now, that's comedy.