He also said that the "suddenly a lot of things are just plain over" effect is common among MS patients especially, and also with other diseases. I'm having much less trouble with "I can't walk as well" and "I can't crawl around the rigging and do all the theater tech stuff I used to" because that was just stuff that I would do. It was gonna happen eventually, anyway, and thank heavens I've got help so all I have to do is point and say "Hang it there" instead of doing it myself--which really, when you think about it, ain't all that bad. Now, playing the organ, something that's also on the "maybe you can't do it anymore" list, that's different... the organ has always been tied up with what I feel that I am.
Which, of course, it both is and isn't.
I'm going to seek the path of "relearn how to play the instrument" before I take the "give up playing the instrument" path. Do some other gentle work on my legs, maybe. (My wife would chime in here, "MAYBE???" OK, dear, "Definitely.")
So, in the meantime, I'm going to take a little time and work on "accepting 'doing less,' at least for now." I'm going to do some stuff that's both symbolic and practical: get a haircut, take apart and rebuild my composition studio, something that I've been promising myself as a "summer project" for at least three years: something that I couldn't do in earlier years because I had "too much to do," and it was too big for one person anyway and I had no help. But amazingly enough, this year, I have time and mental space to do it, and miraculously, I also have a friend who felt like he needed something to do and is very kindly helping me out.
Funny how that, at least, worked out perfectly. They say that the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. Sometimes, it's the other way around: the Lord taketh away, and then turneth right around and giveth.
So, the score so far for our hero: Life, as you know it, over? Yeah, probably. Is that bad? Quite possibly not, but I'm still processing. Hope? Yes. Resolution of all those "sort of" issues? Not yet. Better? At the moment. And at the moment, that's good enough.