I'm seeing my reactions to disability differing from moment to moment; sometimes hugely.
It has been at least a decade since playing the organ ... departed, shall we say. That was too huge and I couldn't process it, but I think I have finally just let it go. Every once and a while, I come against "Opportunity to play unbelievable instrument! Can't play it! Oh well." No cries, no struggles.
Some things, though, still make me gasp, even to cry out. If my legs get knotted up as I'm trying to do something which always used to be simple and trivial, I wig out. Like trying to put my feet under the bedclothes.
It's interesting that the organ, which was near and dear to my heart since I was aware of its existence, being a "can't" doesn't make me howl, but moving my legs, which I've been doing for only a couple more years, makes me howl when it drops into the "can't" zone.
An interesting gift, this MS experience shares... the consciousness of what is really, really, precious... because you don't howl over the loss of something that isn't precious. You may weep, but you may not howl.
A most interesting gift, it is...