Friday, February 20, 2015

No side effects except...

Thought I might try to write music this morning. I've hung a kleenex over one eyeglass lens, so now I'm pirate-style monocular, which will I hope reduce the issues with my eyes pointing in different directions, Simpsons-eye style.
Which causes its own problems, but it also eliminates some problems, so... well, we'll see.

Came to a realization yesterday about the way I'm addressing challenges with things like "hunger" and the various biological "yes,eating would be a good idea now" signals. For years and years, decades even, I have become used to certain sensations, various bits of the anatomy communicating with me and each other, signaling "eat now." I've had said sensations for so much of my life they've become functionally "invisible," somehow I just decide(d) that it was time to eat and all would be well.

Well, pretty much "wanting" of anything has also left the building, and certainly the whole "what do you want to eat?" question nowadays is answered with vagueness at best, but certainly not a list of yummy possibilities.

Perhaps what might make dealing with this (as well as dealing with me dealing with this, thinking of the travails my poor wife/caregiver has to put up with) is simply a change in language. Right now, my answer to the question "what do you want for lunch (or whatever)" is "I don't know." This is aggressively unhelpful. But worthy of experimentation might simply be "I can't understand what signals my body is currently sending me, so I don't know what would make it happy."

But the next question to put to myself might simply be, "But what do (not "would," but "do") you enjoy, not in general but today, here and now?"

Also interestingly, I don't go into emotional/intellectual/energetic vapor lock over breakfast. I'm always happy to eat something... I used to enjoy oatmeal, but nowadays I've been enjoying basic breakfast cereal. Stuff that's healthy, not the sugar stuff that was the cereal of my youth.
Although I must admit, I've been enjoying your good-old-fashioned sandwiches. Easy for me to make (not always easy to extract stuff from the refrigerator but if I can get at it, actually making the sandwich itself is quite easy). Sandwiches are very "Adventure Time-ian" but they work, and I enjoy them.
And that's very much a  gift of MS.

Enjoy the simple things that you enjoy anyway.

Go have fun. Enjoy something. A prescription without side effects. Except, perhaps... a smile.

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