Thursday, December 25, 2014


I had a visit with some very, very wonderfully dear friends yesterday; A couple; I played for their wedding, and as for Him. I've known since 1985.

I am sorry to report that She has some sort of totally whack brain tumor whose specifics I can't recount, but trust me, it's totally whack.

She hasn't been given A Date for such things, but she has been told that she may not make it for longer than a few weeks. Or months. Or... well, they don't know. Being here on this plane shuttling around in these mortal shells, eventually we all realize that said mortal shell is only good for "so long" before it just gives out, but being told you may have X or Y or Z specific time here... well, that's hardly a preferred technique for raising one's spirit. Especially when both He and She are dealing with a pair of kids, 3 and 5. With whom Every One Of Them had to deal with the Farewell of their dog. And how, being dead, is She supposed to help the kids deal with Mom's passing? Yeah, that's a spirit lifter.

Her experience with her Neurologicals is quite similar to mine... Details vary, as they do for all of us MSers, many of the basics or "big gestures" are the same, but the details are completely unique to each of us sufferers. Especially the "suffering" bits.

Among many interesting things is that She, quite a stellar writer, has had her creative process completely bollixed up by her neurological experience. Like me, a lot of "creative time" was trumped by "I have to sleep  now. NOW NOW NOW." She, like me, goes through what I've been calling "hit the wall." When I hit the wall, I'm done. I'm done, with whatever it might be, and I really really need to go to bed and probably sleep NOW NOW NOW.

But most fascinating was that Her and my internal processes are completely unique. Nowadays, I seem to lapse into fury with not much/no warning... drop something on the ground, which happens a lot, and I start foaming and swearing... not at anyone (I do swear at the Complaining Cat), I'm just venting. Her experience is completely different; she goes to intense places, which are very specific to Her, but she doesn't foam. Many of our Issues seem at some point to boil down to "Give a shit, but don't give a shit," how Jesse Sheldon described dealing with the Theater Tech world, and the myriad WTFs that occur in such places.

I found myself answering her questions about "How do you deal with XYZ?" simply by saying things like "Worrying about the afterlife is above my pay grade." Besides, I got enough to worry about as it is... wanted to say (but thought it polite not to) "Don't you?"

But also at least a little funny is... She makes use of Medical Marijuana AS medicine, and finds it very helpful for Her specific issues. It makes things better. It's a big help. Everyone I know who uses Medical Marijuana as medicine finds it to be quite excellent medicine, and really really helpful. It is truly wonderful, as opposed to things like Tysabri which has been known to turn your brain to mush and kill you. Fails the Hippocratic "First, do no harm" command.

For both of us, the bottom line is the same: The creating/creative process has been completely run off the rails, and we can't create the way we always have; but She and I are Creators, we Create. So: Create something. No requirements for size and complexity, just create something. It's perfectly OK if it's crappy...  Tom Hanks said (speaking of his preparation for the Forrest Gump role) that "You have to suck before you can get good.

So, it's clear what mission lies ahead of me...

Just... suck. But merely doing something is success! So, suck... and smile.

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