Friday, October 25, 2013

I got nothin'

Today is already interesting and full of just-plain for-the-moment-at-least giving up.

I'm living in what the realtors would call a "charming mid-century home." The good news is that all the doors are perfectly lovely to push a wheelchair through... Except, of course, for the bathroom doors, which are each, and identically, just too narrow. Why the architects decided that one size door would be perfect for every last room in the house except the bathrooms, I have no idea. Probably wouldn't want to find out, actually, the world of h/c-accessibility-things being what they are. The floor is charmingly almost level, so when you let go of the wheels, the chair might wander forward or backwards, as the floor would lead you somewhere. Not annoying, interesting. Sometimes even funny! But the narrow bathroom doors... not interesting, not funny. Well, funny yes, partially because I can still wall-walk (or in this case, sinkboard-walk) enough to make it in there. I'm sure even I could find being stuck outside the bathroom funny, but... Really, I've got more than enough things that I find funny that wouldn't screw me up as much as not having a bathroom of any kind immediatelyu available.

I haven't found the strength to even sit in the studio today, even to use the computer there today. I'm sitting in my recliner with my laptop, handling some business (probably gonna order something online) and then, see above under just-for-the-moment-giving-up, I'm going back to bed.

Today I made toaster waffles for both me and my wife, and some bag tea (we're out of the loose stuff I really like, and we've discussed maybe going out for more, should I ever feel good enough to leave the house for such things).

Weather is beautiful. Lovely and autumnal. I don't know when I'll be able to go outside and enjoy it for more than a few seconds. This afternoon? As Aragorn often said in the Lord of the Rings, "Who can say?"

Still recovering from Magic and Meaning, the convention held last week in Nevada. I really, really enjoyed it, and I think from what I heard from my fellow conferees, so did everyone! Below, a quick shot of me, mid-lecture:

One thing I haven't re-aquired, though... Something that my magician friends all have, in spades: They're driven to create. Driven to create. I used to be. Now I'm not. Now I'm going to bed (really am). I may... may... stay up long enough to have lunch. Which my wife tells me I need to eat. Which I don't want to eat. A conflict (to eat, or not to eat? That is the question), one which repeats basically daily. I'll snag a few herbs and then eat, I guess, my wife's basically correct about "Dude, you HAVE to eat SOMETHING," presuming the "keep living" thing is important enough to pursue.

But I'd sure love to rekindle the "create fire." Don't know how. Would love to, but...

As Jon Stewart has been know to say, "I got nothin'."

Well... I don't.

2 comments:

Kim @ Stuff could... said...

I got nothin most days...but I like your thoughts about nothing. I feel the same about eating also, never ends the battle with food. Hope you enjoyed your day anyways

Robert Parker said...

Kim: Yeah, feeding yourself can be problematic. Picking food that you'd like to eat anyway, whether or not you're actually hungry... There are herbs famous for augmenting "the munchies," but nowadays, you have to live in the right state before you can easily avail yourself of them.