Saturday, May 22, 2010

Wrong shouts; right whispers

I've been trying to listen to the voice of the universe, in whatever way it wishes to speak to me, to hear what new path I should take. A change... some sort of change... is necessary. The way I have been... well, being... needs to be left behind. It's time for a change.

All the messages so far have been "Not that road." I was thinking about picking up some training in ... well, it doesn't really matter. But it was something new; but I didn't really feel the wind gusting through the open door, the gusts that blow enthusiastically through a door that wants me to walk through it. Then I read the explanation of "benefits" from my insurance company... the only health-care providers that I use that they recommended. That they sent me to. And the explanation said that the amount they billed exceeded the cost agreed to by contract with said provider. So they would neither pay the full amount nor apply the amount they didn't want to pay to my deductible.

If there is a hell, it awaits health insurers who make their living making sure that mine is taken away from me, in bills that they just don't feel like paying.

So anyway, I took that as a sign: no new training.

I went to an orchestration class today. A fascinating class, taught by a Very Famous Hollywood Orchestrator. I met all sorts of composers, film composers mostly; some of them write commercials, write jingles, soundtracks for documentaries, all sorts of things.

They're nice people. But they're not "my people." I don't really fit in with them. I always knew that this wasn't a good path for me, but hoo boy, am I ever sure now.

So... many wonderfully clear indications of "that's wrong." And I'm taking those signs as a blessing; I don't regret any of them not being "my path."

But the right path... is not announcing itself nearly so clearly.

"Wrong" shouts. There's no doubt when something is the wrong choice. Ah, but "right"... "right" whispers.

The message so far: keep listening.

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