Living

The air outside is absolutely lovely tonight.

Southern California somehow never has a real autumn. The crispness, the refreshing "zing" in the air... we just don't get it. I spent last weekend in Las Vegas at a magician's conference, and there was better, more vibrant air in the Nevada desert than there ever is in LA.

Tonight, it's different. There was a lot of easy wind this afternoon, and the air tonight is fresh and alive. There's a wonderful wistful gentleness to it; it's too cold to spend too long outside, but I keep going out just to breathe and feel the "roundness" in the air.

Interesting conversations at my doctor's today. We talked about my driving difficulties, that maybe the "warnings" as my feet miss the pedals are starting to come a little too frequently, it's time to start thinking about changing my transportation before there's no choice in the matter. I'll probably investigate a scooter for my commute to school, it's an easy and actually very pleasant tree-lined drive, but I ain't takin' a two-wheeled vehicle for love nor money on the LA freeways, so trips to the acupuncturist or anything out of the immediate vicinity may be a problem. I'm not at the "there's no longer any choice" point yet, but I definitely need to start thinking about it, rather than just thinking about thinking about it.

He also told me about another medical colleague of his, who often likes to order up nasty tests (for example, prostate biopsies) because he likes to be, in his words, "absolutely certain." Certainty is the one thing MS doesn't allow. We don't know how long we have to ... well, to do anything, really. Whatever "it" is, "it" can be completely over, the change seeping over you or slamming into you in a heartbeat. And what is there to do about it? Well, about MS, nothing. But about how to live with it? There's only one thing to do.

Live.