Tuesday, May 30, 2017

So, where are these "gifts?"

It has been a long time since I shared with you.

To make the litany of symptoms short, nothing works, nothing helps. I'm either home bound or bed bound. I haven't left the property in months, mainly because the whole transfer between the chair and the car is basically undoable.

Many things might be said, but none of them will rely on the term "bounces," especially when the ground is involved.

Trust me, that's been tried.

Being unable to engage the world has been quite difficult. I've been able to give care to caregivers, primarily by listening.

I may still have things to offer, thought-wise, but simply doing that takes a hell of a lot of work.

I will tell you. though, that hearing "I can't" is one thing, but hearing "we don't need you" is hard. VERY hard. I spent years in anguish, figuring out that what was stuck in my head was a plea to "value me!" Well, if there's one thing I'm definitely not responsible for, it's someone else's enlightenment.

The high school I spent years working at is very bad at saying "thank you" and "goodbye." I never really got the first one, the second at best merits a snort. But it's only my own enlightenment that I'm responsible for, and being chair or bed bound provides an excellent excuse, if not an opportunity, to work on that.

I've hit the wall. Done for now. Peace be  with you!

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