Sunday, August 7, 2011

New adventures in "sort of"

Ah, the "nothing hindering me" was so nice, while it lasted. It's gone, now. Not as gone gone as it has been, but it's certainly more gone than it was last week.

Today, I had wanted to go to some event. Had even planned on it. Sort of, at least.

The building it was to be held in is quite historic. Which means it's about as anti-ADA as they come.

I didn't quite have the energy to leave the house in time to get there early enough to do what it would have taken to get into the building, to the room the event was held in, etc. etc. etc. Plus, once I had gotten there, had I needed to make any kind of bathroom run, I would have had to pull myself up a flight of 8-or-so steps, without the walker, and then once up the stairs I'd have had to wall-walk to the restroom and then somehow manage to make it through the (if you'll forgive the turn of phrase) all-too-intestinal convolutions of the restroom itself. Repeat the process backwards to return to the room in which the event was held.

Would it have been worth it to go to the event, logistics aside? Well, I had thought so... sort of.

But, as you can guess, I didn't go. I was on the edge of going, too-late-or-not, simply for the sake of "**** you, M.S., I'm going anyway," but I wasn't angry enough. So I stayed home. Thought maybe, I'd accomplish something... I did, but only sort of. One thing that needed doing for work, took five minutes or so, now it's done. Hooray.

I'm thinking of going to my old grad-school college library to do some research, later this week. Maybe. The building is gloriously ADA'ed, but there's quite a hike from the closest place I can park to the building itself. And a bit of a drive to get there. I haven't really committed (to myself, the only person involved) whether I'm really going there this week or not.

Am I allowing myself to be defeated? Should I be less quick to give up? Should I be more realistic with my assessments of what's possible? Should I be less judgmental of myself for not being in my hoped-for "no problem for the typical Yalie overachiever" state? Should I be better at prioritizing?

Yes. All of the above are true. In their own ways.

Sort of.

There we go again...

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