Sunday, January 18, 2009

Fire and ice

My legs have been where I feel the majority of the effects of the MS, and in ways that are very difficult to describe.

My first experience, a couple of years ago and before I got the diagnosis, I could only describe by comparing it to Tolkein's description of what happened when you struck a Nazgul with a weapon: your limb goes not just numb, but cold and dead. This has evolved into what more than one of my energy-working caregivers has described as "actually radiating cold." Right now, my legs below the knees are absolutely icy, and they feel that cold even under a down comforter that's too hot as far as my torso is concerned.

Although I'm sure there's at least some neurological component (I mean duh, MS is a neurological condition, not too big a leap for that one), I'm just as sure that much, if not most, of this is energetic. (Just try to find the insurance charge code for that.) And that, on some level, something, I don't know what, wants something, and when it gets what it wants, things will get better.

There's ice, and then there's fire. Fire (capital "F" Fire, in the five-element system) is where my challenges lie, and right now, one of the big problems in getting things manifested is the fire that strikes the spark, the fire of ignition, the fire that gets things going. If I can get out of my chair and move around, I'm fine. It's the "getting out of the chair" that's not doing so good right now.

The way through MS, for me, is listening. I'm trying to hear what ... whatever "it" is, that's trying to get through to me via MS... is trying to tell me. I'm starting to see interesting things about my own processes... but I'm not seeing whatever "it" is trying to show me, whatever that might be.

"Quit trying so hard" is a lesson a lot of different things in my life try to teach me; and in the attempt to learn which I... try too hard, and thus miss both the point and the lesson.

Interesting, that.

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