Deal with it

Thoughts on the veranda, this evening, about the MS Highway...

We all know that we're only visitors here, just temporary residents; renters, perhaps even. With years come changes, and saying farewell to our previously ever-so-reliable bodies, one small but beloved bit at a time. And with the gentle farewells, saying farewell may come easier, more gently to us.

The MS Highway is nothing more nor less than absolutely normal human life, but on a different schedule, a different approach. With different purposes, perhaps, even.

Imagine, if you will, suddenly finding yourself on a highway stretching into nowhere, in an otherwise absolutely bleak desert.

There is absolutely nowhere else to go, no other way to go than the way you're going, right here and right now. All you can do is follow the road.

And your absolutely only option is to say: There's nothing else to be done. Deal with it.

And that's life on the MS Highway. Something you always relied upon isn't able to be relied upon. Something you've spent your life doing, suddenly, you can't do any more. Things you took for granted are as good as just-plain-gone. There are moments of extreme beauty, when you realize that your beloved is even more amazing than you could ever have imagined. But most of the experience is with malfunction, forced changes, and loss.

But sucky as that can be, you're still on the highway. And there is only one option: follow the road. It only leads in one direction, where it ends up I have no idea, but there is only one direction: Forward.

There's nothing else to be done. Deal with it.

But that's life, plain and simple. Things change. If you want to stay on the Highway of Life, there's only one direction to go: Forward.

There's nothing else to be done. Deal with it.

That's another story

A simple day so far. The usual Bathroom Stuff (which basically every creature on the planet does anyway, nothing MS-y about that, at least, us MSers just have our own... challenges... with such things). Managed to order a birthday present online for my parents; I had gotten my brother (with whom parents are hanging, doing the Grandparent Thing) some artisinal flavored salts which went over hugely, a tremendous hit indeed, so since they have all been raving about them, I ordered a different sampler pack, dang this "internet" is convenient! Besides, my mother apparently really just-plain-loves salt anyway, so it's win-win. So far. Plus, I'm very happy that as they're living the Golden Life as Grandparents, they're able to show the wee ones that other people's birthdays are important to celebrate too, a "teaching moment" as they say in the trades.

The "parent path" is not one that I chose (or one that did not choose me, as one may want to look at such things), but I do make a dynamite uncle. At least, so I like to think.

Used today's energy so far to order gifts, check medical-supply orders, diddle some other business-y things via the web. And this. Dunno how much steam I'll have left when I finish this, but we shall see.

Still thinking about the disposition of my dear little truck; years ago, I had not just planned, but dreamed, to leave it to the wee ones above, imagining that the older one might be due it by right of birth order, but I further expected that the girl would be the one who fights most enthusiastically to call a pickup truck hers, much to her parents's dismay and laughter, but that road ain't gonna be traveled, as far as I can foresee... Details about truck disposition to follow later, when I figure out exactly what needs to happen.

This particular bit of the MS Journey has been... interesting. Saddening. Frustrating. Withering, especially withering. But also revealing... last night I realized that I still hadn't really bid farewell to some specific frustrations at my former workplace... As Ram Dass might say, if they don't appreciate you, that's on them, but if you're hung up on them not appreciating you, that's on you, and that's what you need to deal with. (You can't fix Them, after all...) I processed some anger and resentment, merely identifying and acknowledging that it just was... and I think I actually feel better today, having done that "inner work."

Well, ain't much we can do neurologically, but spiritually? That we can definitely see to... I can't do[insert very, very, very long list] all sorts of things, but be honest with yourself? That, we can all do. And probably should do more, eh?

Oh, one ting I really wish were available... Neil deGrasse Tyson has been doing incredible work explaining the cosmos with, well, Cosmos, and I encourage you all to watch and enjoy it. The other day, my MD was telling me that one's nervous system doesn't actually cause the bowels to "fire" (start the expulsion process) but rather, nervous system "regulates" (his words) the system, and difficulties arise when said nervous system can't regulate things properly. Ah, if only Dr. Tyson were revisiting the imagined series "Poopage," rather than "Cosmos," we'd really learn a lot about how such things work, or in some of our cases, don't. But I can't see PBS running that series, although given Seth MacFarlane's work on various animated series, I think we have a good chance of getting it created. An unfortunate metaphor, given what I was discussing... but that's another story.

Time to give up

Still withering. Big time, if such things can be said of withering.

Wrote an e-mail. Gonna try to write a response to the one I received.

I'm not even trying to type with my right hand today. And just had to shoot a few minutes recovering from the meatball typing I do with just my left hand, which does not make me feel good at all.

And just had to use MORE time to inspect and rewrite. AGAIN. Yeah, I know we all make typing mistakes, but I usually catch them faster when I can watch the screen, which I can't do nowadays, because not watching the keyboard as I type makes things worse.

Well, that's it for today, at least here. Quick message responses, and then I give up.

There's not much else to do, right now, besides give up.

Well, better get to it, then... Including, alas, giving up.