Koyaanisqatsi

Something I never expected to hear from a dyed-in-the-wool urologist...

I was asking him about my current bladder conflagration... Alan (my name for the bladder, long story there) complains bitterly demanding attention, I transfer (with some difficulty) to the commode and Alan seems no longer interested; I get up to leave, he screams again. I catheterize myself after all this screaming, and get a few tablespoons (not, by my lights, a good use of a catheter, given what they cost and what a f---ing pain in the ass it is to get them delivered to my house); I'm lying down in bed, Alan starts leaking but NOT complaining, I cath and whaddaya know, 400 ml! And let's not even talk about the difference between "leaking" and "gushing."

Urologist says, perhaps a little sadly, "That's how it is with MS. Everybody with MS eventually goes there... All sorts of things set it off. Maybe an infection. Maybe an MS flare-up. Maybe something else, it doesn't take much."

And this is what I didn't expect he'd say, but given what other care providers I hang with, it makes perfect sense...

"Something's out of balance"

Koyaanisqatsi indeed. Life out of balance...

Art imitates life.

Philip Glass - Koyaanisqatsi - YouTube

Why bother

As you may know by now, I am strict about not personalizing MS as an entity, which it isn't, with wants and whims, which it doesn't have because it doesn't exist.

But there's no other way to express it as cleanly or quickly: Last week, it really kicked my ass.

Yesterday, made it out of the house for a real adventure, taking a friend for the first time to a 99 Ranch market, which he had never seen before. "Who needs Vons, this is where to do produce shopping!" he said gleefully.

He was amazingly happy. For the first time in his life, after 30-ish years as a professional chef, he encountered golden kiwi, which is quite common in the 99 Ranch world but for his, he never knew it even existed. It was delightfully sweet. We loved it!

One thing I'm definitely noticing nowadays, perhaps as a side effect of all the mantric meditation I've been doing, pretty much all the time, is being calmer. I still yelp when I drop something, but I'm not holding, nurturing, grudges like I used to. I don't have energy for much, but getting pissed off and railing at something that I know nothing about and can do less than nothing about, I don't have the energy for so... why bother?

A new couplet, I guess... "Doesn't matter" and "Why bother?"

Today's not the day, oh definitely not, but I'm going with my friend to a different 99 Ranch, which has an even bigger produce section, and I'll pick up some unfamiliar (to him, at least) treats.

A very simple answer to the earlier question... "Why bother?" Because it tastes good!

Not much to share today...

The first day in a while that I've even been able to sit at, and use, the computer in the studio. And that, only barely. Someone came by to talk to me while I was typing this, and the time that took added to the challenge of just sitting here. Which I am not, not, enjoying. In the least.

Not much to share, since I've basically been living in the bed. Earlier this week, a friend came by and did me a solid, working on my truck for me. I did him a solid, just by giving him someone to talk to about Some Issues. A good day of mutual support; the first of many, I hope.

MS has still been gifting me... I'm just not always receptive to what I need to see.

Like that's different from, you know, life.

Gotta Google something specific, before my "typing" finally gives out and re-typing stops causing me more pain. Then back to bed. I don't really "watch" things, but I do listen. Actually deal with watching, only occasionally, to catch something really fun to watch.

Like Stephen Universe introducing a new gem fusion, Sugilite. Somone you definitely do not want to mess with.

I wonder what the gems would do with MS? Gotta tell you, spare arms and eyes might come in handy...