Success; always interesting...

First day of school. First full day of work after a very "up and down" summer. Which had very prominently featured lots, and lots, of "down."

Made it through the entire day. With quite reasonable aplomb, all things considered.

My favorite moment: A student raises her hand to offer an answer, it turns out to be quite wonderful and entirely correct, and I shout out: "Excellent! Five points to Gryffindor!" She laughed. (She'd be in Gryffindor, anyway...)

Now, I'm toast. Gonna take my herbs and then lie down, maybe read the script for what's proposed to be the musical this year.

And we do it all over again tomorrow.

That's the plan, at least.

Now, c'mon, you M.S.ers—the phrase "that's the plan, at least" has a very special meaning for us, doesn't it? Considering how the plan works itself out, or around, or doesn't, or ... well, whatever it does, it's unforeseen and ...

...

... always interesting, isn't it?

Interesting

Tomorrow, it begins again. I return to Teaching the Youth Of America.

Yesterday, I didn't think it would be possible. Today, I had my weekly acupuncture treatment, and I knew it would be possible. I mentally spun out and hit the wall, this evening, at home, and undid a lot of today's acupuncturing, I'm sure. Oh well. At least, this time, I watched it happen. Hardly a consolation, but usually I don't know when it happens, and this time, I did, and I think (for once) that I understand how it happened, and maybe even why. A step ahead, even though I'm going to have to live in darkness for the entire week, until next Tuesday, when I get it reversed again.

Humanity. Ego. What a pisser.

Anyway, I did have a good discussion with my acupuncturist/neurologist/MD about the MS today. He is sure that I definitely do not have relapsing/remitting, since I don't have attacks that then abate (whether mostly or at all). All of my neurological malfunctions ("inconveniences," let's call them) stick with me. They don't get better. Now, there's no reason that they can't, the nervous system is self-correcting (albeit much more slowly than we like), my herbalist certainly thinks that once we clean out all the nastiness that's causing damage, we can start rebuilding. All this is possible.

In the meantime... I have what I have. Or don't have, depending on how you want to describe it.

Yesterday, I was very dark. I wasn't sure whether I was being prudent in staying at home and not going off to the store or whatever, or whether I had just plain given up. Very hard to tell... probably a little of both.

And yet today, even in darkness, there was light. It was "book day" at school, the kids pick up their books, their locker combinations. I saw some of my students. We laughed. We talked about the cartoons we were going to watch at our Friday-after-school anime club. I told at least one parent that her daughter was very high on my list of people that I don't worry about—and how often does a parent hear that? A lot of smiles, today, even from darkness.

A long ride to the doctor and back, some very interesting points, then a return to darkness this evening.

And tomorrow, I face a room full of 14-year-olds to teach them about using computers. From my wheelchair.

Nobody ever said the MS journey wasn't ... interesting.

The Beginning of the End

... of the summer. I spent the day at school today getting stuff ready for the upcoming school year (first day of instruction is Wednesday, next week). And although I spent the day working and got all sorts of stuff taken care of, the one thing I wanted to do,the one thing that I left home specifically to do, didn't get done. It'll get done next Tuesday, before I make the weekly journey to the neurologist/acupuncturist.

My walking is not so good, right now, worse than usual, shakier and slower than what has up to now passed for "normal"—thank goodness I have a powered chair to use at school, otherwise it'd take me ten minutes to go the distance most people cover in under a minute. That I used to cover in that, or less, time.

I'm almost ready—have to do a little more planning—and after ten years at this, I shouldn't need to worry. Actually, I'm not worried... I'm kinda numb with disbelief. Numb with sort-of concern about how I'm going to make the very sudden shift from throwing the whole day out the window if I'm just not up to fill-in-the-blank, should fatigue drive me to do so, to having no option besides full-time, high-energy, success simultaneously performing and educating, which is pretty much what you have to do for ninth graders, the first week of school.

Not sure whether I'm in denial, or quietly confident, or scared, or really really in denial.

Pretty much par for the course for me, on this M.S. highway, isn't it?